By the time I ended my last relationship, I was convinced that no man would ever be on my level when it came to maturity and having his act together. Then I met my current boyfriend and he totally proved me wrong.
A guy with his act together is a total rarity. Meeting my boyfriend was like watching an episode of Planet Earth where they finally capture a sighting of a rare species on camera after searching for years. He stood out because he was the first guy I’d met in a long while who seemed to have a plan for his life. He had a career; he was financially stable and more importantly, responsible. He just seemed like someone I could rely on. After coming out of a relationship with a man who lacked all of those qualities, I couldn’t believe my luck when I met him and we hit it off.
I was impressed with how on top of his financial game he was for his age. My boyfriend could have been the kind of guy who spends his paychecks on meaningless stuff, but instead, he invests a lot of it in stocks, many of which have already appreciated and provided him a level of financial freedom most people our age don’t have. I’d met and dated so many men who were financially irresponsible that I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he wasn’t like those other dudes. It wasn’t his money that I was attracted to, it was how responsible he was with it that made him super sexy.
He seemed to have a plan and that caught me off guard. Most of the guys I dated and most of the ones I knew at the time were totally winging it and hoping that everything would fall into place. On the flip side, I’m a woman with a five- and 10-year plan. I know where I’m headed and how I might get there. I was expecting a guy whose plan in life was to let the chips fall where they may, like all the other guys I met, and the more he explained in detail about his life goals and dreams, the more I felt like he was way too good to be true. It was nice to finally date someone whose personal and professional ambitions mirrored my own but at first, it was super jarring.
He owned actual furniture and kitchenware and I was sadly impressed. When my boyfriend brought out a Le Cruset pot to cook me dinner one night early on in our relationship, I was actually speechless. I ferociously texted my friends about what was happening and they too were shocked. Plus, he wasn’t still using the frat house futon he picked up his junior year of college—he had actual furniture like a sectional couch and a mattress on an actual bed frame. I was so used to seeing game consoles, plastic silverware and half broken futons in grown men’s apartments that seeing a guy have normal adult things like furniture blew my mind.
It’s refreshing to date a guy my age who has most of his ducks in a row. I dated a much older guy prior to my current BF who still lived and acted like a frat boy, so I figured that if that guy couldn’t act his age, then no guy closer to my age could either. Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I was wrong.
He challenged me to get on his level in a super positive way. I considered myself to be more or less responsible when I met my boyfriend. I had my finances together for the most part and I didn’t live like a slob, but dating him encouraged me to take another step to bring myself into adulthood a little bit more.
He gives me great advice that I actually can trust. Because it’s based on his real-life success and experience. For example, he helped me open up an investment account and walked me through ways I could cut down on my expenses, consolidate my student debt, and make my money work harder for me. Here I was thinking that I was super mature and on top of my game, but he came in and gave me tangible advice so that I could take it to the next level.
He’s not insecure about my achievements because he’s doing his own awesome thing. Every boyfriend I’ve had before my current one always competed with me on success and achievements. It was exhausting having to tiptoe around their fragile egos. Plus, it was obvious that they felt threatened by me and felt uncomfortable about the fact that a woman could be successful on her own. Meeting my BF was so great because I finally didn’t have to defend my ambitions. On our first date, my boyfriend saw that I was a hustler and immediately recognized that as a great quality, not as something to feel threatened by.
He’s still a little immature, but he’s on the right path and that’s what matters. I don’t want to suggest that my boyfriend is not at all ever immature because trust me, he definitely is! Just because he has kitchenware, an actual bed, a career plan and investments doesn’t mean that he doesn’t make immature jokes and comments. But what’s important to me is that he balances out the immature parts of his personality with mature actions. This reminds me that he’s got his priorities straight but also doesn’t take himself too seriously. It’s the best of both worlds.
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