I’ve Dated Far Too Many Guys Who Weren’t Really Into Me—Now When I See These Signs, I’m Gone

Ever noticed a pattern in your relationships that made you want to stop and reconsider your choices? I realized I’d been dating guys who just weren’t into me. Now when I notice the signs, I know it’s time to walk away before I become too attached.

  1. I ALWAYS HAVE TO INITIATE. He might not be into you, but if you make his life really easy by calling, texting, arranging things or coming over for a booty call, he’ll go along with it. I don’t play games so I’m not one to hold back just to see if the guy comes after me, but if I notice I’m the only one making an effort, I’m out.
  2. HE’S ONLY INTERESTED WHEN I’M NOT. I hate being taken for granted. Some guys won’t show any interest in you, making you feel like you have to chase them all the time. As soon as you step back or start dating someone else, though, they’re all over you and can’t get enough of you. I’ve been with too many guys who do that and then disappear  as soon as you show interest again. Once that happens, I’m gone for good.
  3. I FIND MYSELF HAVING TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIS CRAPPY BEHAVIOR. You should never have to make excuses for a guy if he stands you up, ignores you or disappears on you. If he wants you to stick with him, he should be making the effort to explain himself or, better yet, not treating you like this in the first place. It’s too tempting to be overly understanding and caring when dating someone and I often ended up doing all the emotional labor for them. Now, once I find myself having to do that, it means I’m not being treated the way I deserve.
  4. HE NEVER MAKES THE EFFORT TO APOLOGIZE IF WE HAVE A FIGHT. When a guy’s really into me, he’ll be willing to admit he’s wrong or compromise to make sure I stick around. If he’s giving me the “my way or the highway” treatment, that says to me he’s only interested in keeping me around if I’m not too taxing or challenging for him. Well, guess what? I have feelings and needs too. If a guy doesn’t care enough about me to see to those, then it’s time to say goodbye.
  5. HE GOES OFF THE RADAR WITHOUT A GOOD EXPLANATION. Is he not interested? Is he dating someone else and hoping that one works out so he can finally dump you? How can you tell if the guy just disappears without saying anything? I’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter why a guy disappears on you if he’s not going to come back of his own accord and give me a really good reason. You know, something like depression or a death in the family, or having been kidnapped by actual aliens.
  6. HE WON’T INTRODUCE ME TO HIS FRIENDS. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty little secret. If he’s keeping me to himself and away from his friends it makes me feel like he’s either ashamed of me or has another reason for not wanting to fully bring me into his world. Either way, if we’ve been dating regularly for longer than a month or so, I see it as a bad sign if I’m not being invited to hang out with his buddies.
  7. HE DOESN’T WANT TO MEET MY FRIENDS. If I invite a guy I’m dating to meet my friends and he consistently refuses without a good reason, I’m going to start thinking he doesn’t want to make us into a thing. Yeah, my BFFs are fierce so I totally get if you’re totally scared of being judged by them, but if you’re really into me, you’re going to accept it as a natural part of a relationship that’s going somewhere.
  8. HE’S STOPPED MAKING AN EFFORT. They don’t all start off like they don’t care—sometimes they start off great but then lose interest. That’s when some guys will keep you around because they think it’s better than being alone. Don’t worry—once they find someone better, they’ll dump you faster than a speeding bullet. So if your guy started off acting like he was really into you and is then just coasting, you might want to start looking at your options. I know I do.
  9. EVERYTHING HAS TO HAPPEN ACCORDING TO HIS SCHEDULE. If you have to arrange your life around your guy’s schedule without him lifting a finger to fit into yours, that’s another sign he’s only into you cause you’re accommodating and easily available. If I have to bend over backward just to be able to see a guy without him making any effort to make it easier for me, I know he doesn’t really care.
  10. HE BLATANTLY WON’T GIVE UP OTHER POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP LEADS. Is he still active on that dating app? Constantly texting other women? Dating other women? Well, he’s obviously playing the field to see if he can find something better. Unless I’m doing the same thing myself, that’s my cue to leave. I don’t want to be developing feelings for someone who thinks he can do better than me.
Writer, artist, intrepid traveler and lover of cats, cheese and techno music. Preferably not all at the same time.