The older you get, the smaller and closer your group of friends gets. It’s not always easy to meet new people outside of your close-knit group. So why not just date someone from your friend group? You already know he fits in with your friends. You see him often, you get along with him, he knows you well. Seems like a good idea, right? WRONG! Here’s why you need to cast your net a little wider and avoid turning a friend into a boyfriend.
Everyone knows your business. If you’re dating someone in your friend group, it’s going to be pretty hard to keep things private. Your friends are going to know about your fights, your sex life and just about any problem you have in your relationship.
You can’t avoid him if you break up. You can kiss the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ thing goodbye. There’s no making a clean break when you date someone in your friends group. You know you’re going to cross paths again, you know it’s going to be uncomfortable when you have to see him every time you want to go out with your friends and how awkward is it going to be when he starts bringing his new girlfriend around?
Your friend group will suffer if it doesn’t work out. You and your boyfriend may not be the only ones parting when you break up. If it’s a messy breakup, your friends are inevitably going to choose sides. It’s going to be awkward when you’re all out together, and not just for you, but for your friends, as well. They’ll feel the tension, they’ll have opinions, and it can put a real damper on your friends group when you’re all together.
You’re stuck with the ‘same old’. One of the most exciting things about dating someone new is everything they introduce you to, from new music to new friends and experiences. When you date someone in your friend group, you aren’t meeting any new people. You likely already have similar interests, or at least you’ve already been exposed to his hobbies. You’re missing out on one of the most exciting perks of a new relationship.
You can’t complain openly about your boyfriend. There are going to be times when you need to vent and want unbiased opinions. It’s difficult to get that when you’re complaining to your friends about one of their friends. Your friends may opt to stay out of it and won’t give advice as freely as they would with someone outside your friend group. When you date a completely new guy, you can rest assured that whatever you complain about is going to stay with your friends. That’s not always the case when you’re complaining to your friends about one of their friends.
Talking about sex is awkward. It’s not as fun to talk about your boyfriend’s penis when you’re describing it to his best friend. The last things your friends want to hear are stories about their friend doing kinky stuff with their other friend. It’s likely going to take some time for your friends to get used to the fact that two of their you are holding hands, let alone having sex with each other. And if it’s weird for your friends to hear about, imagine how weird it’s going to be for you to actually do it.
You skip the ‘getting to know him’ phase. Sure, that may seem like a good thing because you’ve already done your background check and you already know his character, but you’ll miss that exciting phase at the beginning of a relationship when you get to learn about a person. You’ll miss the rush of talking to someone until 3am about absolutely everything, and you won’t have those enlightening conversations when you speak to someone who teaches you a new perspective.
He knows too much. Knowing someone well before dating may seem like a good thing, but there’s definitely such thing as knowing too much. He likely knows about all your past relationships, past hookups, bad habits, family drama and most of your bad decisions. And you can be sure he will use these against you when he needs to.
You’re losing more than a boyfriend when it’s over. Maybe you were only dating for a few months, but you’ve likely been friends for years. If you break up, your friendship may never go back to normal. Even if you find a way to be civil with each other, your friendship will never be the same. You could be losing one of your best friends.
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