I don’t really consider myself to be a judgmental person, and I don’t have unreasonably high standards in dating. All I want is to find someone who’s respectful, who acts like he gives a sh*t about me, and who’s not going to cheat on me. That’s why I didn’t think dating a guy without a car was going to be a big deal. After all, I’m a big girl and I can drive myself places — I’m not looking for a chauffeur. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for him. Here’s why I’ll never get with a guy who “likes walking everywhere, anyway” again.
Why dating a guy without a car sucked
- I had to pick him up every single time we went out. Obviously I was going to have to be the driver because I was the only one with a car. That was fine the first few times we went out. However, after a month or two, it started getting really old. He lived about a 15-minute drive away from me, and his house was often way out of the way from where we were going. Never once did he offer to get the bus or find another ride to meet me, either.
- He was always asking to borrow my car. Even when we weren’t going out together, this guy would ask if he could borrow my car. He needed to pick up something at the store or to help a buddy out. His plans were always vague and my answer was always a firm no. However, that didn’t stop him from asking on a weekly basis. Even worse was the attitude he’d give me when I turned him down.
- He started expecting me to drive him other places. Because I wouldn’t let him drive my car (which he wasn’t insured to drive, by the way), he would ask me to drive him places. Whether he had a doctor’s appointment or wanted to meet his bros at a bar in town, he expected me to stop what I was doing and go pick him up and drop him where he wanted to go. I became his personal taxi service.
- He always suggested going places that were far away. When we were going on dates, he always thought it would be great to check out places that were a good 30 minutes to an hour away. That’s clearly because he wanted to go there but never had a ride out there. He was pretty transparent about it, too!
- He never ponied up any gas money. This is maybe the most obnoxious thing about dating a guy without a car. He wanted me to take him anywhere and everywhere. But at no point did he ever offer me even $5 for gas. And you know how expensive that sh*t has gotten! He would happily ride along and say not a peep. Even when we had to stop for gas, his wallet stayed firmly in his jeans pocket. Unbelievable.
- I started feeling like he was only with me for my car. And frankly, I kinda think I was right. We lasted about three months before I’d finally had enough and kicked him to the curb. He can go and take the bus.
Why it’s a red flag when a guy doesn’t have a car
If you live in a major city with a solid public transportation situation, that’s one thing, but if you live in the suburbs or anywhere where having a car not only comes in handy but is kind of a necessity, dating a guy without one is a big no-no. Here’s what his carlessness means about him:
- He’s probably irresponsible with money. What grown man do you know that’s content with walking everywhere or bumming a ride from his friends? It’s a totally different ballgame if his car is in the shop or he’s in the process of looking for another one to buy. I’m talking about the men who don’t have a car or who did have one but it was repossessed. That shows that he either doesn’t have any money or the money that he does earn is wasted on less important things.
- He’s likely afraid of commitment. If this guy can’t commit to a monthly car payment or regular maintenance on his car, what makes you think he’s ready to commit to you? All he needs is something basic to get back and forth to work and to drive recreationally. But if he can’t even commit to paying for a car, he’s showing you that he’s not ready to take responsibility for himself and he’s content with not being tied down. Nope.
- He’s comfortable mooching off of you. He’s using you. There’s no better way to put it. If he doesn’t have a car and you do, he’ll be riding around on your dime, using your gas. If he gets into an accident, it’s on your insurance and you’ll be responsible for it, not him. If you don’t mind being held responsible for his mishaps then that’s on you. I doubt he’d be willing or able to help pay for damages incurred while driving your car. If he was, then he’d have his own car and his own car insurance to ruin, not yours.
- He’s indecisive. If he’s not motivated to buy his own car and handle his own business, what makes you think that he’ll be decisive in areas within your relationship? If he’s gotten comfortable and he’s not willing to make a decision on what he’s going to do in regards to his own transportation, he’s a dud and he clearly refuses to use his brain capacity to think and make things happen. That’s not something you should want in a man who’s supposed to be your partner in a relationship.
- He doesn’t have clear goals for himself. Everyone has goals or things they want to accomplish in life. If he doesn’t have a car, what’s he even doing with his life? How is he planning to go on job interviews or travel around locally? He clearly isn’t thinking about the future. He’s taking things day by day, seeing what happens. That kind of attitude isn’t bad in and of itself but it’s a major warning sign.
- He gets to control you by using you for your car. You’ve made things too easy for him. Why should he get his own car when he has you? By you allowing him to use your car, it makes it easier to keep tabs on you. If he drops you off somewhere, now he knows where you are, who you’re with, and how long you’ll be there. Therefore, if he doesn’t like who you’re with, don’t be surprised if he pops up to take you home.
- It’s not his car, so why would he take care of it? Sometimes people who rent (homes or apartments) don’t really take care of the property since they don’t own it. The same principle applies here. It’s not his car he’s driving around in, it’s yours. So don’t expect it to be spotlessly clean, have a full tank of gas, or have things fixed that need maintenance. Your name is on the title and insurance information, not his.
- He has a lot to say but can’t back it up. Talking a good game but not following through is a honed talent. When your guy tells you his plans to get a new car, what type of car he wants, etc., he’s feeding you exactly what you want to hear. It’s a pipe dream if you’re not putting your words and thoughts into action.
- He’s unsure of himself. Now, this is something he won’t tell you, but it’s something you can determine by his actions. A man’s confidence is generally linked to him knowing who he is, what he’s doing with his life, and his feelings for you. Not having something as basic as his own car and no plans to get one shows a complete lack of motivation and confidence. In other words, it’s not a great idea.