Dating Burnout Is A Thing — Here’s Why It’s Totally Normal

Dating is no joke. It’s weird, mysterious, frustrating, annoying, and above all, incredibly exhausting. You may think you sound like a total pessimist if you say that you’re tired of dating, but you have every right to feel that way. Dating burnout is a real thing and it’s totally normal. Here’s why you shouldn’t feel bad for being fed up:

  1. It’s a lot of work. Do you send the first message or let guys come to you? Do you make the first move or wait to get officially asked out? How many times a week should you use your apps? The questions alone are enough to make anyone pretty crazy. Dating is a ton of work, no doubt about it, and it’s only natural that you would start getting pretty exhausted after a while.
  2. It’s a vicious cycle. You have a first date lined up for Friday night. You’re super hopeful that things are going to work out this time and you’re going to get along just great. Then, boom, you show up at the bar and realize, oops, this guy is not the one for you. The hope/disappointment cycle of dating is pretty fierce and never-ending. Anyone would get tired of that.
  3. It has zero guarantees. Just because you put in the time and effort to line up dates and meet new guys doesn’t mean that you’re going to like any of them. They could be total jerks or they could just be a total snooze-fest. You always hear that dating is like a job, but at least when you put in long hours to build your career, you end up succeeding.
  4. It’s the same old story. You meet a new guy. You’re into him. He’s into you. You’re acting like a couple, so you might as well make things official, right? Well, that’s where you’re totally wrong. He’s not looking for a relationship/anything serious/anything at all. Oops. If this doesn’t keep happening over and over again, then you have a handful of good dates with someone and then get ghosted. Or you wind up in an almost relationship. Dating is such a broken record, it’s no wonder you’re burnt out.
  5. It’s an epidemic. Everyone has been bitten by the modern dating bug. Your friends are single and hating it. Your coworkers are laughing/horrified about their Tinder dates. Everywhere you look, someone is complaining about dating, and it’s really hard to keep that smile plastered on your face.
  6. It’s hard to care. You’re having such a great time every day, living life and working hard and laughing with your best friends. It can be really hard to care about how badly your love life is going. Who wants to focus on something so negative? When you’re doing something that makes you exhausted instead of happy, you’re going to burn out fast.
  7. It demands so much. Dating doesn’t want you to just sit back and let your dream person magically appear in front of you. Nope, dating expects a lot from you. It wants you to write up profiles and bios showing off your awesome personality. It wants you to chat with strangers and then take a deep breath and meet them for coffee or a drink. If you’re tired just thinking about it, you’re totally normal.
  8. It feels unfair. You don’t want to whine and feel sorry for yourself, and yet sometimes you can’t believe how totally unfair dating can be. You like guys who don’t give you the time of day. You hate guys who are texting you 24/7. You’re wondering why you can’t meet someone awesome already and why you have to wait so long. And that old friend of yours just met the cutest guy ever on the very dating app that you use every day.
  9. It makes no sense. You try to stay calm and have rules. You won’t go out with a guy who gives one-word answers. You won’t share too much before the first date. You won’t worry about silences between texting bouts. But dating really makes no sense because whenever you think you have a handle on things, you’re surprised and upset. You really can’t win, so of course you’re tired.
  10. It consumes you. At the end of the day, you know you want to find someone awesome and you know that means dating. As much as you try to forget about dating when you’re not actually, you know, on a date or using your apps, you end up thinking about it pretty much all the time. It’s all-consuming and that’s enough to make anyone want to give up forever. But you won’t, and the whole cycle will start all over again.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.