How Dating A Compulsive Liar Destroys Your Ability To Trust

Sure, we’re all guilty of telling the occasional white lie, but when you’re in a relationship, honesty is generally the best policy — particularly if you want it to last. However, when you end up dating a guy who not only flubs the details on the little things but compulsively lies about the big stuff too, it completely screws with your head.

  1. You feel confused all the time. You don’t know if what he said about his weekend whereabouts was true, you don’t know if he meant what he said about calling or about liking you so much… In fact, you find yourself saying those three words — “I don’t know” — a lot when talking to your friends about him because you never know where you stand.
  2. You’re constantly giving him the benefit of the doubt. Logically, he can’t lie about everything all the time, right? Some stuff has to be true. So, with this in mind, you find yourself giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, even when what he says sounds like total BS. It just seems impossible that he’d lie so much… but he’s doing it.
  3. You want to believe him… you just can’t. Of course you want to believe the best in him. He was such a cool guy. It’s only natural to want to stand up for him and believe what he tells you. But just ’cause you’re being so real with him, it doesn’t mean he’s going to pay you the same courtesy. A liar won’t feel sympathy for you because he’s too wrapped up in his own BS.
  4. You eventually lose your crap. Sooner or later, you and the compulsive liar will get into a huge fight. You’ll catch him out in a lie and you’ll confront him, but he’s not going to give in so easily. Denial is the compulsive liar’s defence. You’ll lose your temper and he’ll make you seem like the bad one for it. Argh, so frustrating! Compulsive liars just can’t take responsibility for the crap they cause because they believe their own lies.
  5. You’re guilted into feeling sorry for him. Liars go through cycles: they’ll be charming and sweet, then they’ll lie, then they’ll get caught out and try to be extra charming and sweet to keep you hanging on. They’ll give you really good reasons for their lies, so get the Kleenex ready because these tend to be sob stories fitted out with puppy dog eyes. Ugh. Don’t fall for it. It’s just another lie.
  6. You lose yourself in all the drama. After being lied to all the time instead of walking away, you’ll surrender to not knowing what to believe. It’s a horrible place to be because it means you don’t believe him but you don’t doubt him enough to walk away, so you’re stuck in limbo. GTFO and save yourself.
  7. You wait for the great guy he was to reappear. After seeing the way your BF lies and makes you feel insecure, your friends might call you crazy for staying with him. But you want to stick around because you want the guy he used to be to return. You hope the lies are just a crappy phase. You hope you’re wrong and he’s telling you the truth. The sad thing is that the “great guy” might return, but never for long.
  8. You think your past is making you paranoid. A mistake is to think that you’re just being paranoid or dramatic, perhaps due to a turbulent romantic history that was riddled with men you couldn’t trust. If the compulsive liar knows about this, he’ll be sure to bring it up and use it against you so you can feel that you’re the problem.
  9. You believe his actions despite your better judgment. Although what a guy does is important, usually more important than his words, the compulsive liar knows how to con you with actions. He’s going to do everything right: he’ll meet you for your date on time, he’ll show you support when you need it, and so on. This is just an act to fool you so that when he’s out there living his other life and lying to you about it, you’ll think, “He must be telling me the truth because he shows me how important I am to him.” Don’t believe it.
  10. You never get a clear answer. Don’t expect a full story from a compulsive liar. Even if he tells you something that seems to make sense, there’ll always be a detail or two in the story that stick out for you and make you feel that they don’t fit. It’s frustrating because he’s a walking question mark.
  11. You become an investigator. When you’re not getting the answers you want from him, you might resort to becoming a cop and trying to figure out the puzzle yourself. Good luck. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out because even he doesn’t know who he is. The only thing you need to figure out is how quickly you can run away.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.