When I first started dating, I made an all-too-common rookie mistake of thinking that men who were dark, broody, and mysterious made for the most romantic adventures. I liked the guys who were unpredictable, with moods and obsessions that changed with more regularity than my menstrual cycle. Of course, those tendencies usually mean a guy is unstable, unable to commit and not worth the time of day. What am I looking for now in relationships? Normality — because to me, normal is the new hot, and here’s why:
- Normal is underrated. Seriously, it is. I spent too long giving too much credit to dudes who seemed so far out of the mainstream, and I’m not making that mistake again. Normality is something I’m looking for in my life as I get older.
- Stability is key. I’d like to think that I’m spontaneous and willing to fly anywhere on the spur of the moment, but the truth is I need a more stable existence than that. Normal guys are the stable guys.
- Normal doesn’t mean uninteresting. The things I used to think were interesting ended up being just pretentious. If a guy says his role model in life is Holden Caulfield, that doesn’t make him automatically more interesting. That just means he read Catcher in the Rye like the rest of us. Sometimes the most normal people have the most fascinating interests.
- It’s important to feel safe in a relationship. I like excitement, too, but feeling safe with someone is a high priority for me. Normalcy automatically lends itself to a safe, secure environment.
- Sometimes I’m boring too. I can be so basic, I admit it. I like spending a whole day vegging out on the couch and watching Netflix, rather than racing around trying to find the next new exciting place to be. Why would I want someone who behaves in a way that I don’t even myself?
- Normal guys are nice guys. “Nice guys finish last” isn’t true at all! Nice guys are the best, and when you can find one, hold on tight, because they’re long-term material.
- Normal can be fun. It’s exhausting to pretend to be cool all the time. I think “normal” just means accepting ourselves, and letting go of expectations of anything else. I don’t know about you, but I think being myself can be pretty dang fun. So maybe I’m normal, and I want a normal guy, and that’s actually really, really cool.
- Hot guys are usually losers. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but hot guys tend to know they’re hot, which makes them obnoxious as hell. They know they can get basically any girl they want (or at least they think they can), and that usually translates into them expecting me to be grateful they’re with me. It’s BS, and I’d rather not go there again.