What Your Dating Frustrations Can Tell You About Yourself

What Your Dating Frustrations Can Tell You About Yourself

If you’ve been single and dating for a while and never get frustrated, then I salute you (but I also don’t believe you). It’s hard not to feel the negative effects of going on what feels like an endless stream of first dates. You’re going through a transition, whether you realize it or not – one that will prep you for your next relationship (don’t worry, it’ll happen). Instead of wanting to give up entirely, try viewing this as a learning experience. Here’s what your dating frustrations can tell you about yourself.

  1. You’re more than ready for love. It’s seriously annoying to know that you’re 100 percent into starting a new relationship and yet all your first dates are total duds that go nowhere. Be glad that you at least know what you want – a lot of people can’t say that. When you do meet a great guy, you won’t have to wonder whether you truly want to commit to him – you’ll be totally on board.
  2. You’re not ready for love at all. On the other hand, you might be getting extra annoyed with the dating process because you secretly want to take a dating break or you’re still reeling from your last broken heart. Maybe you’re not over your ex or your first love or you just want to focus on yourself right now. Whatever you want is totally fine. Give yourself permission to explore it.
  3. You know who you want. You may feel like a jerk turning down second dates with guys who aren’t exactly monsters, but you have a right to not be interested in someone. If you’re an outgoing person and he’s an introvert, you’re right to think it might not work out. The same goes if humor is really important to you and he’s way too serious.
  4. You have standards. We may debate how legit dealbreakers are but every time you decide not to pursue something further, you’re learning what your own dealbreakers are. These are your standards – no smokers or no frat boys and so on. Make a mental note after each unsuccessful first date and you’ll be well on your way toward finding someone who is more your style.
  5. You’re in a life rut. Sometimes it takes us a while to put our finger on what exactly we need to change in our lives. It’s easy to think it’s the fact that we’re single but maybe finding love isn’t what’s bothering you right now. Maybe your entire life is in a rut – you’re spending too many nights on the couch instead of with your girlfriends, you want to change jobs, etc. Or maybe you’re ready for a big adventure and want to go on a trip or even move to a new city.
  6. You’re dating too much. If you’re going on several dates every week and aren’t meeting anyone you like, maybe that’s too much for you. Try scaling it back a bit and going out with guys who you’re super sure you could click with (as sure as anyone can be if they’re online dating).
  7. You’re too influenced by your BFFs. Of course we love to swap horror or funny stories over drinks but sometimes that does more harm than good to our mental well-being. If one or more of your friends is in a dating rut themselves, don’t be surprised if you start feeling the same way. Sure, it feels awesome in the moment, but you could leave the bar with a dark cloud around you. Be careful about whether you’re living the life you want or going along with what people are telling you.
  8. You’ve changed your mind. Maybe you downloaded Tinder with the intention of seeking out something casual but with every date you go on, you’re more into the idea of commitment. Allow yourself to want something different than you originally thought – it’s okay. The same goes if you thought you wanted a serious thing and now just want to have fun instead.
  9. You’re always one step closer. If you’re completely and utterly fed up with dating, then it’s totally possible you’re about to meet the love of your life. We all know people, whether friends-of-friends or someone our mom tells us about, who were about to go crazy from their lack of success in the love department and then, boom, it happened. So be glad that you’re so frustrated right now, and believe that love is around the corner.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.