I consciously told myself that appearance shouldn’t be a priority in my next relationship and that I should try dating a guy I didn’t really find attractive. I was tired of being superficial and was hoping to find something amazing creeping beneath the less-than-hot surface. I was sorely disappointed.
People don’t always compensate for their shortcomings.
Society has always led us to believe that unattractive guys make up for their lack of physical gifts with mental and emotional ones. Wrong! Not all guys who aren’t hot have the brains to make up for it and this guy was living proof. He was completely incapable of forming a real emotional connection and our relationship felt pointless because of it. Let’s face it—it’s social intelligence skills that make people stand out in dating anyway, not high IQs.
I realized I was just trying to avoid getting hurt.
I consciously saw him as someone who wasn’t going to break my heart like others did. Because he wasn’t hot and didn’t have loads of women after him, he’d appreciate me more and treat me accordingly, right? Maybe, but I soon discovered this isn’t the way to deal with men and relationships. Avoiding pain doesn’t bring happiness, believe me. I’m better off single than wasting my time dating someone who doesn’t make me happy.
Treating him badly was inevitable.
It was impossible to find respect for a guy in a relationship where I wasn’t respecting myself. Besides, it’s been scientifically proven that when women consider a guy to be less attractive than they are, they end up treating him badly. The fact that he pretended not to notice made me even angrier and I lost more respect for him. It was a vicious cycle and a terrible situation.
We looked ridiculous together in public.
I’m not a catwalk model myself but I felt like people were staring when we were out together. It wasn’t just the “Beauty and the Beast” issue, we were physically incompatible too. People looked like they were constantly trying to figure out what our deal was. I felt objectified, like I was some kind of bimbo that was using a guy for money.
His inner beauty didn’t blow me away.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been extremely attracted to men who weren’t traditionally handsome, but this guy just wasn’t one of those “hot ugly” guys. Moreover, I found out that if the attraction isn’t there from the beginning, you can’t expect a kind heart to make up for it. Sorry Hollywood, but telling people they should completely look past appearances is BS. You should be physically attracted to the person you’re dating. He had an OK personality but it didn’t make up for his other shortcomings.
My male friends constantly talked crap about him.
Even though my female friends never openly criticized my choice, my male friends weren’t afraid to tell me that the guy was punching above his weight. Of course you should never let other people tell you how to live your life, but that’s only true if you stand by your choices. I didn’t. When they asked me what the hell I was doing with this guy, sadly I knew exactly what they were talking about.
In the end, he was the one who had benefited the most.
There was an ugly turn in the relationship when I realized I’d made a stupid mistake. Surprisingly, instead of walking away with dignity, he showed me that he’d be willing to let our relationship linger on as long as he benefited from no-strings sex. He didn’t care more than I did, he was just pretending so he could have sex with someone hotter than he was. Wonderful, right?
I hated myself afterward.
I realized that the person I’d hurt and disrespected the most in this short “relationship” was myself. I told myself I’d rather stay forever single than go through the same dating experiment again. If I’m going to be with someone, it needs to be a natural connection rather than something forced.
The problem wasn’t that he wasn’t good-looking but that I didn’t personally find him attractive.
I do believe there’s someone for everyone. I don’t date supermodels, just guys I feel attracted to regardless of whether or not they add up to society’s ideal of attractiveness. If someone doesn’t seem hot to ME, I now know it’s a waste of time going out with them in the first place.
My takeaway is this: if you want a fair relationship, try dating someone in the same league as you.
I’m not a beauty Nazi but just look around you. It’s usually the hottest person in the relationship who has the upper hand in everything while the other person is constantly worried about the competition. It’s just not worth it.
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