Dating Independent Women Can Be A Challenge, But We’re Worth It

As independent women, we take a different approach to dating than guys might expect. While we believe in love and want to find it, we certainly aren’t desperate enough for it to accept less than we deserve or settle for a relationship that’s just okay. We can be tough to get close to, but if a guy proves he’s worth it, we’ll be the best girlfriend he’s ever had.

  1. We don’t want or need a guy to do everything for us. Changing a tire might make him feel like more of a man, but we won’t be asking for his help. We know how to take care of ourselves, so we won’t have to call him whenever we have a small problem that needs solving. We’re self-sufficient, sometimes to a frustratingly stubborn degree.
  2. We won’t put up with BS. If he’s rude, we’re going to call him out on it. If he acts like we’re incapable of mowing the lawn or hitting a baseball, we’ll prove him wrong. We won’t tolerate being treated like we’re inferior or incapable in any way. We know we’re his equal, so he needs to treat us accordingly.
  3. We like a challenge rather than a default win. It’s not sweet for him to let us win when you go out bowling or to relent and apologize during an argument just to end it even though he thinks he’s right. We want a partnership that’s fair and square in every way.
  4. We’re used to taking charge, but sometimes we’d like someone else to take the reins. Independent women are used to taking control in our everyday lives, so we’re comfortable doing it at home and in our relationships, inside and outside of the bedroom. We need a guy who’s willing to take direction sometimes, but who’s also game to let us sit back and relax while he handles everything. Adaptability is key.
  5. We need a lot of time alone. It doesn’t matter how much we love someone — we still aren’t going to want to be with them every second of the day. Every once in a while, we’ll want to disappear for some “me time.” If the guy we’re dating isn’t okay with the idea (or pretends to be but still gives us a hard time about it), then the relationship will fall apart pretty quickly.
  6. We like paying our own way. Some men like to stick to tradition by paying for all of their partner’s meals. While we like treating people we’re close to sometimes, our insistence on being self-sufficient means we need to pay our own way. We don’t want a guy to pay for us on a date night out — at the very least, we’d rather go dutch.
  7. We’re stubborn as hell. Independence isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes, we’ll refuse to accept help from people even though we know we need it because we’re so used to handling everything on our own. We want to do things our own way because we know it works and we want things done right. We’re aware that we need to be more flexible and we’re working on it, but it’s an uphill journey.
  8. When we feel cornered or suffocated, we run. We’re just as happy being single as we are in a relationship, so we won’t hesitate to break up with someone that doesn’t fit into our lives. If he tries to say, “I love you” too quickly or asks us to move in with him after a month of dating, he’s going to scare us away.
  9. We’re pretty obsessed with our careers. Our job is more than a way to pay the bills — it’s a career we’re building on our way to the top. We don’t want or need anyone to take care of us financially. We love working and making our own money and we take pride in working our way up the ladder too. Sometimes, our jobs will take precedence over our relationship and any guy we date will have to deal with that.
  10. We’ll never make a guy our whole lives. We won’t always be able to accept his invitations to go out because we have jobs, hobbies, a family and friends to fit into our busy lives too. Our boyfriend will never be the focus of our lives and , because you have a job, a family, and friends to worry about. He’s not the only person in your life, so he’ll have to be okay with that.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.