The current dating scene is rough, especially in the big city. It’s very tempting to keep a nice guy around even if he isn’t quite right. I’m always so excited that I even found someone nice for a change that I feel like I’d be making a mistake to let him go. These are the reminders I have to give myself in order to make the correct decision:
- We don’t have enough in common. We shouldn’t be carbon copies of each other, but what will we ever do if we have no shared interests? You’re really sweet and kind, and there are a few general activities we can engage in together – maybe watch movies or go to dinner. Everyone likes movies and food, right? It just won’t take us very far down the dating road. It’s impossible to ignore extreme differences for longer than a couple dates.
- I don’t feel a connection. Even if we had a ton in common, there’s nothing deeper going on between us. I want the whole package – a physical, mental, and emotional union. I want to be with someone who makes me think but also makes me laugh. There needs to be a mutual understanding and acceptance, and we simply don’t have that going on. It’s hard to find, so don’t take my dismissal personally. We just do not fit.
- There’s no physical chemistry. You treat me well and you’re perfectly nice. I’m just not attracted to you. I’m sorry – I wish I was. I’ve tried to ignore that problem before, with disastrous results. I kept trying to date someone who seemed like everything I should want and need. I wasn’t into him, but I wanted to avoid hurting him. Guess what happened? I ended up hurting him worse in the end by lying to him and myself. It’s not fair to anyone to keep stringing along someone you don’t really enjoy screwing. I won’t do that again.
- You’re a little TOO nice. Yes, there is such a thing. I’m a strong woman with a strong personality. As such, I can’t respect someone who doesn’t stand up to me when necessary. I can’t date a doormat. I’m pretty independent, and if you come across needy or clingy this just won’t work. I appreciate that you’re not a a-hole, of course, but there has to be a balance. I want a good person but not a guy who lets me walk all over him.
- I need someone more independent. Dating someone is exciting, especially in the beginning. It’s fun to spend time together and get to know each other. The thing is…we’re both adults. We can’t and shouldn’t spend ALL of our time together. It’s not realistic and it’s not healthy. We have our own lives and we have to continue having them. You make me feel a bit suffocated, and I refuse to harbor any guilt about doing my own thing. If you can’t handle that, you shouldn’t be seeing me.
- I want someone to support but also inspire me. My ideal partner will be there for me when I’m attempting to achieve my goals, but also hold me to them. I hope to do the same for him. We will be a functioning, cooperative, supportive and inspiring team. You’re fun and easy to be around, but you don’t make me feel any of those things. You aren’t that passionate or ambitious about anything, it appears. That’s not attractive, and I’m afraid you’ll drag me down with you.
- There’s something indescribable missing. You can call it what you will – a spark, a connection, chemistry – and it’s not there. There’s that essential invisible element that we don’t have. It’s fine – once again, it’s rare and difficult to come by. I just don’t want to waste either of our precious lives pursuing something that’s a bit more commonplace than I would like it to be. I’m going to hold out for the special person who complements me specifically.
- You don’t really “get” me, and vice versa. People are complicated, and there are many levels of connection. While we might connect on a superficial level, I don’t think you truly understand who I am as a person. I’m not sure I understand you either. That’s okay, but we should definitely go our separate ways. Life is too short to spend all your time puzzling out the intentions of your significant other. Relationships aren’t easy, but that part of one shouldn’t be too complicated. If we have to work super hard to even like each other much in the beginning, that’s clearly a problem!