Why Dating Makes You Feel So Nuts When You Usually Have It Together

Modern dating is brutal. Though it can be a lot of fun too, it’s a world of unmatching, ghosting, catfishing, and endless other untoward behaviors that make it feel impossible to start a relationship with someone decent. Trudging through the dating scene can easily test your nerves and shoot your confidence, and in short, make you feel a little nuts. Here’s why dating makes even the most calm and collected people lose their minds.

  1. Ghosting. The single reason for most people totally losing the plot after dating comes down to one word: ghosting. This is when someone you’ve been dating or talking to completely disappears from your life without warning. And in the world of modern dating, it’s unfortunately extremely common. There’s no wonder why this behavior turns you nuts and makes you a little obsessed that every nice person you start talking to will turn into Casper.
  2. The joy of dating apps. Have to give it to dating apps—they’ve definitely made dating much easier during the pandemic. While they’ve brought convenience to modern dating, they also come with a bunch of issues you don’t have to deal with when looking for dates in the physical world. Things like people matching with you but never responding to your messages, or matching to unmatch, or lying on their profiles are enough to drive anyone mad.
  3. Mind games and mixed messages. Mind games are actually designed to make you feel nuts, so no surprises that this annoying part of dating makes you lose it. Unfortunately, mind games seem to be more common now than they were in the past. This might be because dates are seen as more expendable since most people have a sea of them to choose from on dating apps! Dating also leaves room for tons of mixed messages, mostly from people who aren’t actually interested but are too polite to say so.
  4. Constant disappointment. Ongoing disappointment can definitely test your patience. And in the world of dating, disappointment can happen again and again. It’s particularly hard to take when you get your hopes up, only to have them crushed. For example, you might finally meet someone who ticks your boxes and seems really promising. Things might go wonderfully with them for a few weeks and then they ghost. After too many dating setbacks like this, you might feel like giving up. Totally understandable!
  5. The impact of social media. Despite all the ways it benefits the world, social media makes dating complicated. It can also increase your anxiety and feelings of paranoia. When you’re dating someone new, it’s hard to resist glancing at their social media pages. Those pages are accessible enough that you might start checking them all the time. Some of the things you see, such as comments from other girls, might be totally innocent but still make you question things. So you start checking more often. And the cycle continues, leaving you stressed and frazzled.
  6. Hookup culture. If you love one-night stands, then you’ll see hookup culture as a positive. But for those looking to develop an emotional connection with someone as well as a physical connection, hookup culture makes modern dating super frustrating. A lot of people in the dating pool are just looking for a hookup. With the emergence of hookup culture, it’s more common to expect a “hookup” type of relationship from your date. Wading through people who don’t want to catch feels is disheartening when you’re looking for a soulmate
  7. The communal lack of effort. As a society, we’ve become a lot lazier than we once were. Now we can’t be bothered driving to pick up our food. Going into the store to try on our clothes. Or going to a bar to meet someone. When it comes to dating, it’s rarer than ever for people to put in real effort. Forget organizing dinner and a movie; it’s all about catching up for a quick drink after work. Especially if you’re an old soul, these new norms are tough.
  8. Feeling overwhelmed by endless options. This is specific to dating apps, but the infinite options for dates can easily make you feel overwhelmed. Trying to juggle chatting to multiple people at a time because you need backup in case they ghost or fizzle, while simultaneously swiping because there are so many new profiles to explore, is tricky. Sometimes, this excess even makes you miss it when you match with someone amazing because you’re too busy getting swept up in the enormity of the app.


Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including Hotsprings.co and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.