I didn’t know I was dating a sex addict until I actually was. Sure, having sex on tap whenever the mood strikes sounds amazing in theory, but his addiction actually ended up taking over my life. Here’s why:
- He wanted to be with me constantly. It wasn’t only about the sex, though that took up a huge chunk of our time. It was about any and all physical contact… most of which ended up leading to sex. He got upset because I didn’t want to stay up all night screwing and then sleep in until noon or later. I’m an adult with stuff to do, even if I don’t have a traditional job. He got mad at me for having my own life.
- Everything revolved around sex. It was always the main event, and everything else was either a warm-up or a cool-down. Sex is great and all, but it’s not all I want to do. I’m not a frivolous youngun. It got boring really fast when that’s all he was ever thinking about or trying to do. Sometimes I just wanted to sit and have a normal conversation!
- We could hardly do anything else together. It wasn’t like having a normal boyfriend or a normal relationship at all. That’s why it started out as just a hookup. Too bad it evolved into something much more complicated. No matter what else we tried, it always came back to sex. If we couldn’t actually have sex where we were, it was all about the sex we had to have later. I felt like I was with a horny teenager. It sucked. We couldn’t even go for a hike without him attempting to get busy on the trail.
- It was impossible for me to productive. How could I be? I was spending half my time having sex and the other half passed out from exhaustion. After the hours-long sessions he convinced me to engage in, I could hardly function. It sounds like it would be fun but it absolutely wasn’t. Try keeping that up a few times a week for a year and a half. I’m too old for that stuff. I couldn’t get a damn thing done.
- I never got any sleep. He was a bartender. I would meet him after work. We would grab food. By the time we actually got back to his place or mine, it was around 4 am. We would do the nasty until well after it began getting light outside. I can’t tell you the number of times I went to bed after 7 in the morning. I wasn’t even up drinking or anything! I was trying to act like a wild young thing that I just wasn’t. I couldn’t sleep in all day, so the result was that I wasn’t getting any sleep at all.
- He wanted to document everything via photo and video. I suppose I was sort of flattered to be his personal spank bank. At least he was looking at me and not random sex on the internet. Still, this meant that we had to take the time to set up what we were going to do and to film it and all that crap. Not that sexy in the end, and he always wanted me to watch them too…but that’s really not my thing. I don’t like watching sex on the internet, I don’t like penis pics, and I don’t want to watch myself have sex. Thanks but no thanks. It doesn’t turn me on.
- He was insatiable and wore me out. Ask any girl what her idea of a good time is, and I doubt many of them will tell you hours upon hours of sexual intercourse. All the stuff leading up is really fun, and sex itself is great as well…to a point. Physically, most girls can’t – and just don’t want to – do it forever. Too bad for me that he could go all night long. It got to the point where I had to stop him, after hours of this crap, and he was disappointed. Give me a break! (Literally.)
- He was way too freaky for me. I’m down for some fun stuff, but not certain things. He would beg me over and over to do things that I was not willing to do, especially because I cared about him and did not want to debase him. I know he didn’t see it that way, but I was entirely uncomfortable engaging in that. It was a no-win situation. I felt like I couldn’t make him happy, and he kept pressuring me even though he knew the answer was no. That pissed me off and made me feel resentful and ill at ease.
- I got worn out by him very quickly. I’m amazed I kept that stuff up for a year and a half, give or take a few months. It was intense, and not in that cool, fun way. It was intense in a scary, dramatic, fight-addled and moody way. Besides the physical intensity of the sex, our relationship proved exhausting in every other way as well. At the time it felt complicated and passionate. In reality, it was just immature and twisted. There was nothing healthy about it, nothing at all.