Dating someone who challenges you is not the epitome of a healthy and long-lasting relationship, despite what all the Instagram platitudes would have you believe. It doesn’t mean that your partner is the one for you because they make you think differently — it means that the relationship is based on the fact that common beliefs and understanding are pretty much non-existent. Here’s why dating someone who “challenges you” is BS:
Agreeing to disagree isn’t always a good thing. Okay, so to define what I actually mean when I say challenge, I’m talking about someone you’re completely incompatible with but who you see as a challenge and therefore intriguing. No! Agreeing to disagree with a partner shows what polar opposites you are from each other, which is not really a good thing. You should agree more than you disagree in a good relationship.
Couples who constantly bicker are annoying AF. If you find yourself in a “challenging” relationship, you probably argue over the smallest, dumbest things. It’s hard to not have these tiny arguments when you just don’t see eye to eye on much. It’s not a challenge that’s good for your soul; it’s most likely killing it.
It deflects from the actual problem at hand. Couples who find themselves constantly battling with one another over every little thing ignore the fact that their lives do not meet each other’s expectations. They justify the problem by claiming that they like that their partner “keeps them on their toes,” but that’s BS. Constantly challenging someone isn’t a good thing. You should be on the same page and certainly not ignoring the problems in the relationship.
It’s often used as an excuse when explaining the situation to your friends. When explaining your relationship drama to someone else, summing up the relationship with, “We just challenge each other!” sounds a lot crazier than you think. It’s not normal to excuse your unstable relationship by ignoring what it actually is. Your friends will likely think it’s not actually worth your time — and if you have good friends, they’re probably right.
Dating shouldn’t be a challenge. Simply put, it shouldn’t be a challenge to date someone. Love, as difficult and crazy as it can be, should always be easy. Challenges, obstacles and overcoming failures in a relationship shouldn’t be an issue — if you’re meant to be together, you work together to get through them. You shouldn’t have to worry, wonder or struggle to find the right answers. You should just feel right, no challenge whatsoever.
You and your partner should share common understanding. If you plan to be with someone for the long haul, you should share a common way of thinking. The whole “opposites attract” theory isn’t particularly one of the best ones out there, nor is it one of the healthiest. To start a life with someone, it’s a lot easier to share the same goals and expectations of the kind of life you want. Just be with someone who gets you.
Challenging each other and challenging your mind are two different things. Someone who challenges you will keep you wondering, confused and most likely stressed at times. Someone who challenges your mind exposes you to things and places you’ve never experienced. They want to help you grow and succeed without challenging the person you are and every little thing you do. Now THAT is someone worth being with.
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