Dating Someone Because You Don’t Want To Be Alone Is A Recipe For A Toxic Disaster

A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect and genuine emotion, not a need for validation, support, or attention. Needing to be a relationship and hating the idea of being single and/or “alone” is a sign that you’re looking for love from someone else that you need to learn to give yourself. If that sounds familiar and you feel like you need to be in a relationship to be happy, don’t be surprised if the only connections you make are toxic ones.

  1. You’re probably willing to settle for someone who isn’t good enough for you. If you need to be in a relationship, there’s a good chance you’re willing to settle with someone who is less than you deserve in order to avoid being single. Dating someone who doesn’t measure up will make you unhappy and unsatisfied in your relationship, thus making it toxic.
  2. You’ll expect your partner to support you in ways that are unfair and maybe even impossible. You’re not looking for a genuine love connection, you’re looking for someone to validate and accept you so you can feel better about yourself. A partner shouldn’t be expected to constantly give you confidence, bend over backward to satisfy you emotionally, or put their own emotional needs on the back burner, which is likely the case in a situation like this. Your expectations will not be met, you’ll be disappointed and maybe even angry, and the relationship will be terrible for both of you.
  3. Any relationship you end up in when you’re with someone because you don’t want to be single will always hold you back. A relationship that holds you back from reaching your full potential or becoming the best version of yourself is automatically a toxic one. Until you deal with your fear of being alone and the need to be in a relationship, you won’t grow to become a stronger, well-rounded person. You’ll never be happy with yourself or with a partner until you’re able to be happy without needing a relationship to complete you.
  4. A relationship that is founded on the need for validation will probably leave you bored and annoyed. You’ll likely blame your partner and relationship for these negative emotions which will make the relationship a toxic one. However, you need to take responsibility for these issues and realize that by needing to be in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up to feel these ways.
  5. You’ll put up with unacceptable behavior in order to avoid losing your partner. Even if you know that your partner is wrong for you or you acknowledge that you’re not really in love with them, the fact that you feel like you need to be in a relationship will make it difficult to leave. You’ll internally rationalize that their bad behavior is OK in order to save the relationship when it’s definitely not. A relationship where either partner is treating the other badly is a toxic one, and if you’re afraid to leave because you don’t want to be alone, the toxicity will just grow stronger and leave deeper scars.
  6. You’ll always be taking advantage of someone or letting someone take advantage of you. When you’re getting in relationships to avoid being single, someone is going to end up getting the short end of the stick. A relationship that isn’t based on genuine attraction, love, and care and is instead based on the need for validation and attention is unfair to you and also to your partner who might be unaware of your intentions and be genuinely putting their all into the relationship.
  7. You’ll always be looking for something or someone else to fill the void. When you’re in a relationship because you need to be coupled up, you’ll eventually realize that this relationship cannot fill whatever void is missing and you’ll start looking for something else or someone else to fill or fix it. The relationship will become toxic because you weren’t genuinely invested in being with your partner, you were just using them to avoid facing your fear of being single.
  8. Deep down, you’ll know that you’re in the relationship for the wrong reasons. As much as you try to hide it or pretend that’s not why you’re with your partner, you’ll always know the truth deep down and it will always leave an imprint on your relationship and the way you view it. Perception is everything, and having this negative perception of the relationship based on the information you know to be true will make it a toxic relationship.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on She has an Etsy shop with cute items: she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.