I’m really not a superficial person but I want to feel a spark with someone, and that’s sometimes down to looks. It doesn’t really matter what a guy looks like as long as I find him attractive—I once tried to date a guy I wasn’t attracted to physically and it was a terrible idea.
He was the king of belly laughs. Being around this guy was amazing. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I’d literally have a sore face after spending time with him because he had such a fantastic sense of humor. When he asked me out, I hesitated because he wasn’t my type… but then I said yes because we had such a great time together.
I wanted something more. I’d gone through loads of crying jags over exes who were super hot but total a-holes so I wanted something different. I thought this guy with his wonderful personality would be refreshing. Who knows? Maybe he’d be my forever person.
It felt good to look deeper. It was a nice change to look deeper into a guy and see what he was really like underneath his appearance. Although this guy didn’t really do it for me physically, I could see that there were many other qualities that would make for great boyfriend potential.
I started trying to convince myself we were good together. I came home after our first date and told my friend that he was amazing and maybe it was time for me to get with someone real instead of focusing so much on good looks. She said it made sense, but I knew deep down something just wasn’t feeling right.
I dodged the first kiss. On our second date, he tried to kiss me and I dodged him. Ouch! I just couldn’t seem to pluck up the courage to kiss him. This had never happened to me before so I knew something wasn’t quite right. I just didn’t really feel like I wanted to get up close and personal with him. Houston, we have a problem!
I went on a third date with him anyway. I was still enjoying dates with this guy, I just didn’t want anything physical to happen. Argh, that would pose a problem in the future. What, was I going to have a relationship in which we never touched?
I felt torn. I really liked spending time with this guy but clearly I was more interested in friend-zoning him than making him my official boyfriend. I felt pathetic—was I really letting my lack of physical attraction for him get in the way of what could be an amazing relationship?
Then I cut myself some slack. It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t feel anything physical for this guy, nor was it my fault that I didn’t feel chemistry or a spark. I shouldn’t feel guilty for not feeling those things, and I sure as hell didn’t want to get with someone I was forcing myself to be with. That’s just like settling really.
It’s not about being superficial. I felt guilty at first, thinking I was superficial and putting too much emphasis on someone’s physical appearance. But honestly, when I looked back on guys I’d previously dated, I could see that many of them weren’t textbook attractive. I’d wanted to be with them because they were gorgeous to me, and I didn’t care if no one else saw what I saw. The point is, I felt that spark with them. With this guy I was dating, there was none of that.
I deserve the full package. I realized that I deserved to have a relationship in which I feel physical, mental, and emotional connections with the guy I’m dating. Why should I deny myself the full package?
I wasn’t going to date him for the sake of being nice. I didn’t want to date the guy for whom I felt nothing just so that I could prove a point and be seen as a nice, open-minded person. Screw that. I want to date someone for whom I feel everything! I want to feel that spark and I want to crave kissing the person I’m with. I want to jump into a relationship 100%, not feel like I can handle the person in small doses and with no kissing on the cards.
It’s my right to have a type. Everyone has the right to choose who they date, and that Dream Guy list can (and often does) consist of physical characteristics as well as others. This guy clearly wasn’t my type, so what? I wasn’t going to lose sleep over it anymore.
I offered friendship in the end. Just because I didn’t see relationship potential with this guy, it didn’t mean I wanted to cut him out of my life and never see him again. I could picture us having a really amazing friendship so I suggested that instead of a relationship. He wasn’t keen. He said that he couldn’t see me as a friend, which is funny because I couldn’t see him as a boyfriend. We were clearly on such different pages and nothing would’ve worked out. But hey, no hard feelings. The heart wants what it wants.
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