If you’re sick of getting your hopes up about guys or girls, only to find out that they’re not who you thought they were and you’re not compatible after all, you’re not alone. More than half the population is fed up with dating because it only leads to disappointment, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Dating up could be the way to change your game and have a much more positive experience looking for “The One.”
What is dating up?
While you may not have heard of the term “dating up” before, the concept behind it is pretty simple. It’s all about elevating your mindset and your approach to finding love to ensure you’re finding better potential partners, having more meaningful relationships, and generally enjoying the process way more. It means letting go of the mindsets and patterns that hold you back so you give yourself the best shot of finding something good and long-lasting.
Dating up: how to do it
- Accept that things aren’t what they used to be. When the pandemic hit two years ago, the world came to a standstill. Since then, the world has started to rebound, but things aren’t like they used to be in any sense of the word, especially in dating. Through lockdown, chatting to potential dates was all about relying on your emotional radar to determine chemistry since you couldn’t actually hang out. Singletons also began to reevaluate what they want from relationships and many discovered that casual dating just wasn’t for them — they want a long-term partner. On the other hand, some people who were in relationships at the time and ended them during or after lockdown are much less likely to want to get into anything serious. Everything is all a little bit weird, and your dating experience in 2022 and beyond likely will be too. Accept that and commit to rolling with it.
- Let go of your “type.” You’ve likely always had a really good idea about the type of person you want to end up with. They need to have certain physical, emotional, mental, sexual, or financial attributes to even be considered. Chances are, that hasn’t exactly worked out for you thus far, and that’s where dating up comes in. Let go of your “type” and be more open to someone totally different than you expected. Maybe you were looking for someone who’s slick, exciting, adventurous, and always on the go. However, you might find out you enjoy dating the quiet, shy, introverted bookworm always seated at the back of the cafe. In short, you’ll never know what you want until you get to know them.
- Reassess your deal-breakers. Maybe you think you can’t date someone who doesn’t come from a specific background, who’s divorced, or who has kids. You might be really into the person but once you find out they go against one of your deal-breakers, you write them off. While certain deal-breakers can come in the form of healthy boundaries and high standards, other times, they’re ridiculous and discriminatory and are only holding us back. Dating up is all about giving a person a chance to prove themself to you rather than judging them on your own preconceived notions.
- Cut out the dead weight. You will never have the courage to move forward because you are stuck in the past. If your ex is already with someone else, or worse, they’re already married, drop them from your life for good. Cut all the ties that are making your life too complicated. Are you enjoying spending time with your friend with benefits or are things messier than ever because you’re starting to develop feelings for them? If you want to get good at dating up, you’ll have to drop the dead weight from your life. Are there people you let hang around that are contributing negatively to your sense of self? Get rid of them! Would you rather spend time with them, or move forward in looking for solid, secure, and long-lasting relationships?
- Make yourself your number one priority. The root of all your insecurity is the love and confidence you lack in yourself. Start turning your doubts into bold statements of affirmation because if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Instead of asking am I pretty? Am I smart enough, good enough, tough enough? Tell yourself: “I’m drop-dead gorgeous, I’m smart as hell, and I will always be good enough! I love me, and I like me even if you don’t!” Dating up starts with talking yourself up.
More ways to ensure you’re dating up
- Learn to say no. Dating up is all about focusing on what serves you and letting go of what doesn’t. Be bold enough to put your foot down and say no when something doesn’t feel right. You should not be forced into saying or doing anything you don’t want to. Declining or resisting any invitation doesn’t make you weak or appear to be a loser. It takes a strong, independent person to say no loudly, clearly, and with conviction.
- Take a dating break when you feel burnt out. Don’t be scared to take a break if you’re not feeling it right now. If you’re exhausted from this whole dating game, you have every right to step out of the scene altogether for a while. Take as much time as you need to assess, re-evaluate, and ask yourself what you want. If it turns out you really enjoy your time being alone, and doing stuff on your own, then by all means go! Nobody should stop you or tell you what to do. You do you. That’s what dating up is all about!
- Forget the old dating rulebook. There are so many guidelines you’re supposed to follow in dating, according to the status quo. Keep your cool. Don’t sound or look too eager. Act as if you’ll be okay even if you don’t see them ever again. Don’t be the first one to call or text. Wait for them to show some interest in you. Don’t look “too easy”, blah, blah, blah. It’s up to you if you want to adhere to these, but if you do, you’re wasting one very precious commodity: time. That’s something that you can never bring back no matter what. Why not try honesty for a change? Dating up is all about bucking tradition and following your own path. Ask them if they feel the same spark that you do and if they want to continue to grow together or walk away before either of you gets more invested. The sooner you know, the better.
- Don’t dread it, enjoy it. Before you go out on any date, tell yourself you’re going to enjoy yourself no matter what. You need to have the right mindset before you walk out that door or else you’re doomed from the start. Then, if it turns into a bit of a disaster, at least you have a memorable story to share with your friends and to remember fondly in years to come once you do find your person. When you change your perspective, then you can truly say you’re dating up.
- Think positive. Have we all forgotten the power of positive thinking? It can truly work wonders for our lives. This isn’t something we should practice only every once in a while or when we feel the need for a miracle of some sort, like hoping our date goes well. We should turn positive thinking and manifesting into a daily practice. After all, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
