Dating Is The Worst — I’d Much Rather Go Straight To Ripping Each Other’s Clothes Off

Sometimes I wonder why I waste time sitting through uncomfortable conversation when all I really want to do is hook up. No one likes that initial awkward phase of dating, which is why I wish I could skip it altogether and go straight for the fun stuff:

To me, sex is the ultimate connection.

There’s nothing else two people could do that will get them connected faster than sex. Sex requires presence, trust, empathy, fear — all of the human emotions at once. It can confuse you, make you laugh, make you cry and even make you question who you are. Let’s just put it this way — you really know a person after a good romp in the bedroom.

Dates give me anxiety.

 Can I be real with you? Dates make me feel awkward AF. I’m not the most eloquent of speakers, I’m also not very “polite” or “socially savvy,” which makes eating out seem like some huge challenge. I don’t know what I’m doing on dates, but I DO know what I’m doing in bed… so let’s just skip ahead, shall we?

I know whether or not I like a person within 10 seconds.

I don’t need to sit across from someone for hours, blithely picking at roasted Brussels sprouts and sipping fine wine to know whether or not I like them and want to take things further — I know within 10 seconds. Might as well go straight to playtime if we know that whatever is happening between us is a go.

Even if we don’t end up liking each other, at least we got off.

One of two things can happen; we can either go on a long and grueling date, decide we don’t like each other and then go home lonely, confused and horny OR we can have sex, realize we don’t really like each other and then go home at least semi-satisfied. Take your pick.

I feel free to say whatever I want after I’ve had sex with someone.

After we’ve done the deed, I feel so uninhibited and free to just… be me. It’s probably all of those feel-good endorphin things going into my brain and making me feel all zen. Maybe it’s because I just got naked in front of someone and to my surprise, they actually like what they see. When I’m having sex, I’m more playful and in the moment, which is when the real conversations start happening.

I will know immediately whether or not I want to see them again.

 I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a great time with my date only to find out they are absolutely clueless in the sac. If I have sex first, I can decide right then and there whether I want to see this person again because physical chemistry tells you things that talking can’t.

Sex forms a bond between two people that talking simply can’t.

Being so close to someone in mind is one thing but being close to someone through body and spirit is a whole other ball game. We can slowly piece things together as we talk about our interests and hope we have some common ground, or we can form a bond with each other on the deepest level possible (or at least try).

I’m more of an introvert and prefer being in a calm environment.

If I’m being totally honest, I would actually prefer to have my first date indoors where it’s just the two of us. I realize that there are risks to that and I would never do it with someone I just met on an app, but being in closed quarters calms me and if it leads to sex, then that’s even better.

The second date will be less awkward

. If I DO end up liking this person after our preliminary sex session, the second date is going to probably the best date of our lives. We’ve already reached a high level of intimacy, so being in public together will feel so natural and care-free. We both know we find each other at least physically attractive so there’s not a lot of awkwardness or stress — only sex.

We don’t have to waste our money.

I’m pretty much permanently broke, so going out on dates isn’t something I can afford. I know what you’re thinking —”Doesn’t the guy usually pay?” Eh, sometimes, but more often than not it’s split 50/50. It’s really not fair that I should have to shell out $20 just to see if I like someone when I could do that for free… in my bed.

Sex is like the ultimate test of character.

Nothing will allow you to get to know your date faster than doing the deed. I thought I knew a guy and then I got him in bed and wow — totally different person. Everything from how they treat you afterward to what they say during the act is like a window into their psyche and when it’s done, I feel like I’ve known them forever.

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