He Was Dating Me For A Year But Telling People I Was His Friend—WTF?

I thought our relationship was in a good place until the night I found out my boyfriend was telling people I was just his friend. Worst of all, I found out from someone else. WTF?

  1. He’d given commitment the green light. This wasn’t a guy who dragged his heels when it came to committing to me. He made it clear from the beginning that he wanted to be with me and only me. It’s not like I was ignoring signs that he wasn’t into me or anything.
  2. I trusted him with my life. Man, I really trusted this guy. He gave me no reason to doubt him, after all. We really got along well, had a great time together, and were planning a future. I thought he had my best interests at heart.
  3. I was his plus-one at a work event. He invited me to his work function where I’d get to meet all his colleagues and bosses. Halfway into the dinner, one of his colleagues (who was also his friend) came over and said to me, “You’re the best friend I always hear so much about!” My boyfriend was silent and I felt embarrassed AF.
  4. I was waiting for him to introduce me as his girlfriend but no dice. I waited for an answer, thinking that my boyfriend would step in and correct the guy, such as by saying, “No, this is actually my girlfriend.” But he didn’t and they started talking about something else, leaving me red-faced and angry. Ugh.
  5. He tried to cover it up. On our way out of the event that took forever to end, I asked my boyfriend about what his colleague had meant by referring to me as his best friend. He said the guy was just being funny, that this was just how he was, and that I shouldn’t take it seriously.
  6. I could smell BS a mile away. How could my boyfriend be so carefree about this? On the way back to my place, I was struck silent by how he expected me to believe this crap. I was so shocked that the man I loved who claimed to love me could be such a liar. Why the hell hadn’t he corrected that guy?
  7. He added insult to injury. He could obviously see I was angry, but he said he couldn’t understand why I felt so cheated and betrayed. WTF? He kept blaming his friend, but clearly there was something else going on.
  8. I started to wonder. Perhaps this guy was actually doing something dodgy behind my back! Maybe he had a girlfriend at work or someone he’d been having a fling with and that’s why he didn’t want anyone to know I was his girlfriend. I thought that if he could lie to his friends about me, then what was stopping him from having someone else on the side? Why would someone lie about having a girlfriend unless they had shady AF intentions?
  9. We kept knocking heads. I couldn’t let the issue go and this was pissing him off. After lots of fights about this, he told me that it wasn’t such a big deal even if people didn’t think that we were a couple. WTF? He said he didn’t care about relationship labels and all that mattered was that we were together. Um, no.
  10. Labels matter to meI don’t care what he, or any other guy, thinks. I need to have relationship labels. They’re a way of showing the world that we’re together, and they’re a sign that we’re 100 percent committed to each other. How can a guy call me his girlfriend in private but diss me when I’m not around? It left me confused and hurt.
  11. His friend had rescued me. I think my boyfriend was hoping to continue fooling me, so when his friend/colleague came over and spilled the beans on what he’d been calling me behind my back, he was exposed. What a jerk. I’m actually grateful to that guy for exposing this truth without realizing that he was ending a relationship. He saved me from wasting more time with my boyfriend.
  12. Love isn’t enoughWhen I broke up with my boyfriend, he said, “But you can tell how I feel about you! Isn’t that enough?” I know that actions matter and yes, he’d been showing me how committed he was, but I need actions and words to match up. If they’re pieces of a puzzle that just can’t seem to fit, there’s something wrong with the whole picture. There was something seriously wrong with our relationship.
  13. I want all or nothing. My boyfriend thought I was crazy for leaving him, but I knew if I stayed I’d be lowering my relationship standards. I’d be saying that although it’s important for me that his actions and words matter, and that he’s proud to be with me, I can let those things go. Oh hell no. Clearly he wasn’t as into me as he pretended to be, or as he thought he was, and I don’t want to waste my life next to someone like that. A guy’s either with me 100 percent or not at all—there’s no halfway.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.