Dating is not for the faint of heart… and sometimes I’m not even sure it’s for me. I go back and forth between freaking out and staying totally cool, calm and confident. I’m an ambivalent dater and here’s what a day in my life, with all my crazy thoughts, is like:
- Today will be the day I get a date. I wake up every morning full of ambition and determination… toward my freelance writing business, yes, but also about dating. I swear this is going to be the day that I finally get another first date scheduled and can quit freaking out about why it’s taking so long to find a great guy.
- It’s really no big deal. Once I work out and get to work, I send out a few messages into the online dating abyss. Who knows where all those unanswered messages go? But it takes no time at all to reach out to people and hope they answer. At this point, I’m usually still feeling pretty confident. After all, nothing’s happened yet to dash my hopes — yet being the key word.
- This is the best. I chat with at least one person and don’t see a reason why meeting IRL shouldn’t happen. We plan to meet a few days later at a local bar. I sigh a big sigh of relief and focus on my work and life again. What if he’s great and ends up being my boyfriend?
- This is the worst. Inevitably, I later have a weird and borderline creepy convo (can’t seem to stop that from happening at least once a day) and my good mood shifts again. Why is dating so weird? So hard? So totally ridiculous? Ugh, maybe I should just give up.
- I’m never doing this again. By late afternoon, I’ve had a long productive day and have pretty much decided to give up on the whole finding a boyfriend thing. My life is great, right? Why put in all the blood, sweat and unanswered messages? What is the point?
- I just want to watch TV. It’s after dinner and all I want to do is get my butt on the couch. It’s time for some totally mindless TV. No, I don’t want to scroll through endless faces on Tinder. No, I don’t want to read through somewhat clever OkCupid profiles. I just want to watch The Real Housewives and Stranger Things. Who has time to date when life is so exhausting?
- Okay, maybe I’ll try. This goes on for about an hour and then I switch gears. It’s really not such a problem to pull out my beloved iPhone and message a few more people. Who knows? My soulmate could be waiting on the other end of this tiny phone. And what, I’m going to miss out on him just because I’m feeling super lazy?
- What if this never works? What if this whole online dating thing is totally fake and it never actually works for anyone? What if I’m single for the rest of my life?
- It will all be okay. If I go to bed worrying about the state of modern dating, let’s just say I would probably never sleep again. So I tell myself it’s going to be fine. It has to be. I’m young, I’m smart, and I try my best. My person has to be out there. And I will totally find him tomorrow.