How To Deal When You Have Your Act Together & You STILL Haven’t Found Love

How To Deal When You Have Your Act Together & You STILL Haven’t Found Love ©iStock/Yuri_Arcurs

People are always saying you need to work on yourself before you can be happy with someone else. But what happens when you’ve got a bomb career, an active social life, plenty of hobbies and you can genuinely say you love your life… but you’re still having a hard time when it comes to dating? For some, love seems to show up when they aren’t even expecting it, while for others, it’s a constant struggle. But don’t give up just yet — it’s only a matter of time before you find exactly what you’re looking for.

  1. It’s okay to get discouraged. There’s a lot of advice out there encouraging single women to enjoy their freedom and stop worrying so much about finding love. That’s all true, but at the same time, don’t beat yourself up if you once in awhile you start to feel like you’re losing hope. It’s only natural to want to find someone to spend your life with, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to act as if you love every little thing about being single if you don’t.
  2. You’re on the right track. You’ve spent your single years wisely — dating around, traveling, getting your career in order and spending as much time as possible with your best friends. So what if it takes you a little longer than other people to find the right person? Just because you haven’t met them yet doesn’t mean you never will.
  3. Everyone is on a different path. It can be frustrating to watch everyone you know fall in love and get married without even really trying while you toil away on every dating app, going out with guys who are all wrong for you. You might even think it’s “unfair” that you’re alone while your horrible cousin found a guy who loves her. But their relationships have nothing to do with yours and there is no scorecard. We all have our own journey, and there’s no point in comparing yours to anyone else’s.
  4. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. One of the reasons you’re still single is you’re unwilling to settle for someone who isn’t going to make you happy. There are plenty of people out there who are afraid to be alone and will choose ‘good enough’ instead. Don’t feel bad that you’re not one of those people. Feel proud that you’re strong enough to hold out for the right one.
  5. Stop worrying about it. The more you worry about the implications of being single, the less you’re going to enjoy the good things about it. Also, if all you can think about is that you’re running out of time to find someone, you’ll start giving off that desperate vibe, and no guy is attracted to the desperate vibe.
  6. Focus on all the amazing things in your life. With all the amazing you have going on with a career you love, a busy social calendar and the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, why are you focusing on the one thing you don’t happen to have yet? There are plenty of things to make you happy while you keep an eye out for the right guy, so don’t forget to enjoy them — you worked hard for them, after all!
  7. Enjoy the single life while you can. You probably want to slap the ‘happily’ coupled up women you know who envy you for your single lifestyle. But everyone always seems to want what they don’t have anymore, including the freedom of not having a significant other. You might as well make the most of the perks of being single while you can, because it’s not going to last forever.
  8. You should hold out for the right one. Every perpetually single woman has considered settling for Mr. Good Enough at some point, but ultimately it won’t be worth it. There will always be something missing, and you’ll regret wasting your time with a guy who you knew was never going to make you happy.
  9. There’s no rush. Okay, so maybe your biological clock really is ticking, and maybe it seems like there are fewer and fewer decent single guys to choose from with every passing year. But the right one for you is still out there and you could meet him any time. You have a lot more time than you think you do. And besides, wouldn’t you rather meet the right guy when you’re truly ready for something serious than meet him when you aren’t quite sure if giving up being single is what you want just yet?
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.
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