Most Women Don’t Care About Marriage And Kids Anymore—We Have More Important Stuff To Do

Marriage and kids can be great, but they’re not the main things we think about when we meet a guy for drinks or get into a serious relationship. Enough with guys thinking that we just want to settle down—most of us actually don’t.

  1. It’s an insult. Not all women have a one-track mind filled with wedding dresses and babies, like a Pinterest page. We have other things on our minds like our careers, our dreams, what we want out of life, and finding ourselves. Please don’t pigeon-hole us.
  2. We just don’t need men anymore. Marriage used to be a way to offer people security, like financial comfort. But um, it’s 2017 in case people haven’t noticed! We make our own money and we can give ourselves security, whether financial or emotional. We don’t really need partners for that. Actually, we don’t need them for anything.
  3. There are good reasons not to have kids. It’s shocking how shocked people are when they hear that a woman doesn’t want to have kids. Um, what? Just because we can have kids biologically, it doesn’t mean we’re forced to have them. Besides, many women have good reasons not to have kids, like how it’s sometimes more fulfilling for them to travel the world or start a business. Just saying.
  4. Marriage can be substituted for other things. We have options. It’s like we’re standing in a boutique looking at a dazzling array of dresses and we know we can choose any one we like. We’re not limited to wearing the wedding dress that our mothers and grandmothers were obligated to purchase. There are loads of other dresses, which is great because wedding dresses can be frumpy AF.
  5. It’s sexist. It’s always assumed that women are the ones with thoughts of marriage and kids. Men are the ones living wild and free. What BS. If guys think that all or most women are interested in getting married and having kids, that’s actually really sexist. We’re worth more than that.
  6. We don’t see marriage as the road to happiness. Look around—there are many people who are unhappily married. We know that it’s emotional suicide to put our happiness in another person’s hands or think that we need to settle down to be happy. Besides, even if the guy we’re dating makes us happy, it doesn’t mean we want to marry him.
  7. We’re our own soulmates. There are some women (and men) who really want to get married, but for the rest of us? We’re learning to be our own soulmates. That means we can fulfill ourselves, so we’re not waiting around like we’re in some Jane Austen novel for our Mr. Darcy. He can GTFO, actually.
  8. We want to live the life of our dreams. And sorry, but a guy might not be a part of it. We want to travel and learn new things, become our own bosses, and have the freedom to do whatever the hell we want. We’d rather build the life we really want instead of getting with a man and just follow his lead. Oh, hell no.
  9. Those aren’t achievements. Sure, marriage and kids are great and all, but they’re not goals that we achieve. Anyone can get them. When we go on a date with a guy, we’re not trying to get him to walk down the aisle like our lives depend on it. We’re actually too busy focused on other real achievements, like bettering ourselves. In a Girl Guides poll, just one in five girls and women between the ages of 7 and 21 said that marriage is a mark of success. Attitudes are changing, and it’s about damn time!
  10. We’re not rushing to get that ring. A guy who starts dating a woman might think that since she’s approaching 30, she’s raring to take that walk down the aisle. Yeah, right. As they say, 30 is the new 20, and it’s all about reaching a new level of self-discovery and living the life. It’s not about settling down and getting comfortable. We still have loads to do!
  11. Maybe he wants to get married more than us. A guy who’s talking about how much women want to get married and how he’s anti-marriage might actually be harboring a little secret: he might be the one who’s keen to find The One (not that he’ll ever admit it). A study by found that men fall in love at first sight more often than women, who actually want to maintain some independence. In the study, fewer men wanted their own holidays, nights out with friends, and their own bank accounts and personal space. Plus, more single men than women wanted kids.
  12. We want commitment but not necessarily marriage. Just because we have high relationship standards and want a man to commit to us, it doesn’t mean that we’re desperate to get married. We want to be with someone who really loves us and who doesn’t waste our time, but that doesn’t mean we want him to propose.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.