Dear Mr. Right — Please Wait A While Before You Come Around

This may surprise you, future soulmate, but I’m in no rush to find you. I don’t doubt that somewhere in the universe, you’re quietly searching for me and hoping I’m just around the corner — but you should take your time. If you can be patient, I promise it will be worth it. Here’s how I know I’m not ready for you just yet:

  1. First, I need to find myself. I’m spunky, outgoing, smart and driven. I know I have a lot going for me, but I also have absolutely no idea who I am at my core. Once I find you, you’ll encourage me to reach for the stars, but my hopes and dreams are still hazy. Before you can lift me up, I need to figure out what I’m reaching for.
  2. Being alone terrifies me. I have so much to see and do before I choose to experience the world with you, and even though I can’t wait for our adventures together, I’ve never taken a trip on my own. Feeling what it’s like without someone there will make having you by my side that much better. I need to know how it feels to stand on my own two feet so that I’ll be able to appreciate having you to catch me when I fall.
  3. My wounds are still in the process of healing. When it comes to relationships, my last one ripped me open at the seams. Even though the pain of heartbreak has subsided, my scars will never fully fade. Every day I get a little bit stronger, but there’s a lot of healing left to do. I know that I’m not broken beyond repair, but that doesn’t mean I’m whole enough to love you the way you deserve just yet.
  4. I have more growing to do. In some ways, I feel wiser than my years, but in others, I feel like a child. I want our love to be beautiful and mature, and that requires me becoming a true adult. Once I figure out exactly who I want to be, I will be able to share that person with you.
  5. Now is my chance to be crazy. I’m a firm believer that when you stop looking for something, you find it, so I’m taking this time to play the field. Reverse psychology states that if I’m a boy-crazed, dating app obsessed woman on a mission to meet and mingle as much as possible, I won’t actually find something real — and that’s exactly why I’m doing it. I have no idea what’s out there or what I want from a relationship, and I’m only going to find out by testing the waters.
  6. I don’t know who I’m looking for. My past relationships have taught me exactly what I don’t want in a partner, but I’m that doesn’t mean I know what I DO want. I want to know with every fiber of my being that you’re exactly what I need, but that can’t happen if I don’t know what that is.
  7. I want to be able to trust you fully. All I know when it comes to love is manipulation, desperation and how it feels to lose myself completely. I’m determined not to let history repeat itself, but until I’ve truly forgiven him and forgiven myself, I’ll always be looking for red flags in you. It’s not fair to assume the worst when you’ll be giving me your best, but I worry that right now, I wouldn’t be able to differentiate the two. I don’t want to sabotage what we could be by jumping in when I’m not ready.
  8. Timing is everything. I’m finally at a place where everything in my life is going right. My career is on the right track, I have great friends around me, and I’m happy with where I’m at. Even though I know finding you will only add to that, I want to enjoy the ride for a little while longer. I want to give you and our relationship as much of my energy as I can and I’m not willing to do that yet.
  9. You probably aren’t ready for me either. Perhaps it’s wrong of me to assume I’m alone in wanting to postpone our happy ending. You too might have adventures you need to take alone in order to be ready for the ones we take together. Maybe you’re with another woman, and it’s that relationship that will show you what ours can and will be. Maybe you’ve been hurt like me, and you too need time to put the pieces back together so that one day, they’ll fit with mine.
  10. Good things come to those who wait. If I found you now, I wouldn’t appreciate you, and that would be a waste of our love story. Each day that passes until we meet will only make the moment we do that much better. You may be out there twiddling your thumbs, biding your time and hoping I’ll hurry up so we can start our future together. But we have our entire lives ahead of us, so I’m asking you to wait just a little longer.
We only have one chance to live this life and I'm making the most of it. I'll make plenty of mistakes along the way but each one will send me further down the right path.