Dear The Bolde,
I’ve been single f-o-r-e-v-e-r and I’m totally screwing over it. I’m a solid catch — I’m attractive, educated, cool, funny (and even humble, I swear!) — but my dating life is going nowhere. I’ve tried everything from blind dates to Tinder and I either meet lame guys or, when I do meet an occasional guy who seems decent, he pretty quickly turns out to be just another a-hole. I’m basically ready to give up and commit to a life of Netflix, cake and chili cheese fries. Honestly, I don’t think I can go on another date again. Any ideas for how I can keep going without all these bad experiences turning me into the bitter bitch I can feel myself slowly becoming?
Dear Frustrated AF,
First of all, chin up. You got this. Secondly, is there really anything wrong with a life committed to Netflix, cake, and chili cheese fries? We’re going to give that a big fat NO.
Chili cheese fries and Netflix aside, here’s the deal: Dating sucks. It really does. In a world full of so many a-holes, trying to find someone awesome is definitely a feat — believe us, we know all to well. But we don’t think giving up is going to help, nor do we think trying so hard to find someone is going to be any more productive. Have you ever heard that stupid cliché that people find love when they’re not looking for it? It’s true. Well, we hear it’s true — we don’t think there’s any scientific evidence to back it up.
You sound like you’re beating your head against a wall trying to find yourself a guy, but for what? Is this really a necessity in your life? We think not. Sounds to us like you think you need a guy to make you complete and that’s BS. Your existence won’t be any better just because you get a guy in your life. Trust us on that one.
Here’s what we think you need to do. We need you to realize that Netflix and greasy food are awesome. We also need you to realize that maybe you’re trying a bit too hard. When you act desperate, people pick up on that, even clueless dudes, and they run for the hill. Instead of wasting your time on blind dates, Tinder and all the rest of that crap, start focusing on putting more effort into being you and finding what makes you happy. Although it might feel like it at the moment, especially because you’re so over dating, you won’t be alone forever. We promise.
So take this time to enjoy who you are, where you are and what you’re doing. You’ll find that once you stop obsessing over trying to land a guy, one will just come your way as you pursue other endeavors. You need to go about your life and do your own thing. Then, when it’s time, someone will come into your life and he’ll be awesome and great and a total catch just like you. You just need to shift your focus right now and make you priority number one. Got it?
Your BFFs at The Bolde