My Decision Not To Have Kids Isn’t Meant To Be Some Kind Of Statement — It’s Just My Choice

Deciding not to have kids shouldn’t be such a difficult choice, but it often stirs up a lot of negative emotions in people. Due to social pressure and other expectations, navigating the whole “no kids” thing can get messy and cause future mothers to get defensive. I don’t want kids of my own but if you do, I’m with you, not against you.

My decisions are not an attack on yours.

I don’t spend my time sipping overpriced coffee while I smugly look down upon parents with disgust. My decision is different from yours, but that doesn’t mean that I’m trying to attack you or be condescending. I’m just doing something that I think is for the best, and I’m not judging you in the process.

Your life is none of my business.

I don’t care what you do with your reproductive organs. I don’t have any say in the matter, and I would be creepy as hell if I thought that I did. You’re free to do what you want with your life and I will never butt in to tell you what to do.

There’s no need to get mad.

I understand why some women are confused or curious about me not wanting kids, but I will never understand the anger. It’s a strange way to react to a choice that is perfectly okay. I’m not angry that you want kids, and you have no reason to be angry at me for not wanting them.

You have my support.

Kids are a lot of work. Raising them is rewarding, but it’ll be tiring and frustrating too. Parenthood isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, and admitting that doesn’t make you a bad person. I won’t look down on you for needing a break or for going on a rant about the latest diaper disaster you had to clean up. If you need a non-judgmental space to vent, I’ll bring the beer.

You don’t owe me an explanation.

When I say that I don’t plan on having kids, I don’t expect you to give me a long list of reasons why you do plan on having them. If kids are the right choice for you, go for it. You don’t have to explain yourself or justify anything to me.

I don’t expect you to fully understand.

When you have wanted kids your entire life, the idea of someone else not wanting them is probably a foreign concept, especially in the kid-centric society we live in. I know that part of you may never understand my stance because you think it’s weird, but I’m okay with that. We don’t have to be enemies just because we don’t understand each other all the way.

I won’t judge your parenting skills.

Children are completely unpredictable, and having them around is like living with a miniature drunk nuclear bomb. I get it. You can plan ahead all you want, but those adorably evil tiny humans just might (literally) crap all over those plans. Trust me, I won’t get pissy if I hear a kid throwing a tantrum at the grocery store. I won’t judge you for moments you can’t control. In fact, I’m rooting for you and would be happy to buy you a fancy bottle of something to help you unwind later.

Our differences aren’t a bad thing.

You and I are two different people who will lead different lives regardless of how many kids we do or don’t have. The things that set us apart don’t have to divide us.

Don’t worry about me.

I’m not judging you for wanting kids now, and I won’t be judging you twenty years from now either. Your future belongs to you just as mine belongs to me. You don’t need to concern yourself with what kind of life I’m going to have. I’ll be okay, and you will be too.

Women have to stop judging each other.

Women give each other a lot of crap in the kids department. Someone will judge you for having no kids, too few kids, or too many kids. Then you’ll get judged for what you feed your kids, what you let them watch, or when their bedtime is. You can’t win. Women should be standing together against all that judgmental BS, not causing trouble for themselves.

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