Being asked to be part of someone’s wedding should be a real honor, but it didn’t feel that way to me. That’s why when an old school friend revealed she was getting married, I declined to be a bridesmaid when she offered it. At first I felt bad, but then I realized I dodged a bullet because she was a total Bridezilla.
- It felt wrong to turn her down, but I had to trust my gut. This wasn’t a decision I made lightly. My friend and I had been really close many years ago but we eventually drifted apart. I realized we weren’t really as similar as I’d thought, but there weren’t any hard feelings between us. When she turned up out of the blue and asked me if I’d be one of her bridesmaids for her upcoming wedding, my heart dropped.
- I was scared of what taking on that position would mean. It wasn’t just that we weren’t close anymore which was making me hesitate—I was also scared because she was quite bossy and really high-maintenance. I really didn’t think I could deal with all that stress! From what I remembered about her, she was always attracting drama into her life and making those around her freaking miserable.
- I organized a face-to-face meeting to turn her down. I didn’t want to decline her offer via text—that just felt way too impersonal—so I invited her out to coffee instead. She was so excited to meet up with me, which made me feel even guiltier, but I had to stick to my guns here. It would be months of prep, dress fittings, and so on, and I couldn’t commit to that.
- To make things worse, she brought me a gift. She actually brought me a bridesmaid gift, which was pretty presumptuous but made me feel worse anyway. It was a pretty friendship bracelet that almost persuaded me to change my mind because she’d gone to so much trouble. However, she could see something was wrong and when she asked me if I was OK, I decided to tell her what was on my mind.
- I hoped she’d understand. I told her that I didn’t feel it was right for me to be her bridesmaid. I mentioned how we’d drifted apart and we weren’t really in touch anymore, so it felt weird to stand up for her at her wedding. What helped me tell her all this was the belief I had that she’d understand. I obviously cared about my friend, but I definitely wasn’t part of her nearest-and-dearest loved ones anymore. She had to realize that, right?
- She played it cool at first. Luckily, there was no resistance from her side. She seemed to get where I was coming from and I left hoping that things were good between us. I was still excited to be a guest at her wedding, I just didn’t want to be part of the wedding party. I even mentioned that I was really looking forward to it so that she knew I wasn’t raining on her parade or anything.
- It wasn’t until later that she dropped the bomb. She texted me later that day and bluntly ended our friendship. WTF? Not only did she say that she thought it was best if we stopped being friends, but that she’d prefer it if I didn’t attend her wedding as a guest. Ouch.
- I was totally shocked. I realized then how much I’d hurt her by declining her bridesmaid offer, but that hadn’t been my intention. Surely, she’d been able to see that by how I’d met up with her and talked to her? I’d wanted to be open and honest with her, but clearly she’d seen me as being nasty and disrespectful. I tried to explain all of this via text to salvage our relationship but she wasn’t having any of it. What else was I supposed to do?
- Cheers, drama queen. As the hours passed, I started to feel like she’d done me a huge favor by ending our friendship. I didn’t want to be her bridesmaid, but big freaking deal. Friendships shouldn’t feel like jail sentences. Just because a friend couldn’t do something for her, it didn’t mean she had to act like a total tyrant about it. I was still offering my support to her but she obviously didn’t deserve it. I’d made the right decision and was glad to walk away from her and all her drama!