I’ve Been Defending My Boyfriend’s Bad Behavior For Way Too Long — I’m Done

I love my boyfriend but everyone in my life hates him and honestly, I’m starting to see why. I try to stand up for him and our relationship, but he’s making this so hard. I just can’t keep defending him to my friends when all he does is treat me like crap.

  1. I need to have some sense of pride. It’s embarrassing to defend myself for being with him when my friends constantly bring up so many reasons I should leave him behind. I want to be able to tell them what an amazing boyfriend he is but the truth is, he’s not. Maybe once upon a time, he was good to me, but not anymore. Now I just look like the sad, pathetic girl who can’t leave a man she loves even though he treats her like crap. I want my pride back.
  2. He doesn’t care about my happiness. His actions are a clear indication of that. He’s too selfish to love me properly. Our relationship is always about him — what he wants and what he needs. He never considers what I need or thinks about the fact that I have desires too. I care about his happiness, I just wish he cared about mine half as much.
  3. I trust my friends to look out for me. If they have a problem with him, it’s because they don’t think his intentions or actions are in my best interest. They’ve been in my life a hell of a lot longer than he has and I’m not going to be angry with them for trying to protect me. I won’t turn my back on my friends. At the end of the day, I take their opinions to heart, so I can’t help but wonder if I should listen to the girls who have always had my back and just dump him.
  4. He plays so many mind games. I’m so sick of him messing with my head. He’s always testing my love for him. He wants to know just how much BS I’m willing to put up with before I put him back in his place. I don’t feel safe and secure in our relationship. He makes me feel like at any moment, he could end things — and while I’d be heartbroken, he’d walk away without a scratch. One minute I’m the love of his life and the next I’m just another girl. It’s emotional torture, and how am I supposed to defend that?
  5. There’s only so much BS I can take. Not only do I have to defend him to my friends, but I also have to keep defending him to myself. It’s exhausting to keep letting my heart try to convince my brain that he’s worth it. The heart wants what it wants, but at some point, my head has to step in. I might love him but I won’t just let him walk all over me. Eventually, I’m going to break.
  6. He makes it known that I’m replaceable. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m a catch. He doesn’t act like he’s lucky to have found me. In fact, he does the exact opposite. He likes to remind me that he could be with anyone but he chose me like he’s doing me a favor. My friends think I should be with a man who finds me irreplaceable, and I can’t help but admit that’s what I really want.
  7. Being with him is starting to make me feel incredibly alone. Defending him is making me feel isolated by my friends, but he’s not even around as a shoulder to cry on. I have to depend on myself to be my own rock. The single life is supposed to be the relationship status that feels lonely, but I’m in a relationship and I feel more alone than ever. It’s not us against the world — it’s just me.
  8. He brings me more pain than joy. He should be adding to my life, but it’s starting to feel like he’s taking more away from it instead. I shouldn’t shed this many tears over a man who supposedly loves me. He’s supposed to fill my life with joy, laughter, and love, but he doesn’t. The bad times are starting to outweigh the good and I don’t know how to continue standing up for a relationship as messed up as that.
  9. I can’t help but wonder if he’d be willing to fight for me. I’m constantly fighting for him, but I don’t feel the same support in return. He’s not even giving me a reason to continue fighting for him. If I can’t tell that he loves me from the way he treats me then why should I think that he’d ever be willing to fight for me? I want a man who loves me as much as I love him, but in our case, I know that’s just not the case.
  10. He doesn’t know how to make me a priority in his life. It’s clear that he’s only my boyfriend when he feels like acting like one. When it’s not convenient for him, he just disappears. Then I’m left all alone and my friends are there to pick up the pieces. I keep going back to him, but nothing ever changes. My friends think that if I were really important to him, he’d make me a priority. How can I argue with that?
  11. My friends think I deserve better, and deep down I think they’re right. He takes me for granted. I’m an amazing girlfriend and more importantly, an amazing person who deserves to be appreciated. I know that and I know that he doesn’t treat me right. I know he’s going to think that I’m letting my friends get in my head, but the truth is I think I’ve known for a long time now that the reason I have such a hard time defending him is because they’re right. At the end of the day, I deserve better than the love he gives me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.