Is He Into You Or Are You Delusional? Here Are 10 Questions To Ask Yourself

If love were as easy as finding a connection with an attractive person, we’d all be in successful relationships. But before you assume this guy is as crazy for you as you are for him, ask yourself these questions to see if he actually wants something worthwhile with you:

  1. Did he say he wants something casualYou might think that when he speaks of wanting to keep things casual and fun, it’s a stepping stone to something more serious. But listen to what the guy says because, it shows what he wants — if he’s saying he wants to keep things casual after a month or two of dating, he’s not looking for a serious relationship. He’s not playing hard-to-get; he’s just not interested in committing.
  2. Does he only want to text you? You might think that you get along really well and have great conversations via text, but if he’s been chatting with you for a while and hasn’t stepped up his interaction with you to include calling and meeting up with you in real life, he’s not interested in making this the real deal.
  3. Does he ask you about your life? Even if he’s chatting with you every day, he’s not into you if he’s not taking an interest in your life and how you’re doing. If you’re always talking about him, then he’s just keen to get someone to listen to him. A guy that really likes you will want to know about your life and feelings.
  4. Do you go for long periods without seeing each other? If you chat all the time between your dates, you might think that it’s a good sign he’s crazy about you. But a guy who’s really into you will want to see you often. He’ll be calling you up to make plans, not just to occupy his time when he’s bored and has his phone on hand.
  5. Does he talk about the future with you? He doesn’t need to be bringing up marriage and babies, but a guy who really wants to be with you will at least include you in his upcoming plans for the next week or even month. On the other hand, a guy who doesn’t plan anything beyond his next date with you probably only sees you as someone he’ll soon get bored with.
  6. Is he shy with you but talkative with others? It’s a misconception — courtesy of high school and romcoms — that a guy who’s shy around certain people likes them more than others. It might be the case, but take a look at how the guy behaves in public. If he’s talking up a storm with other people but gets all closed up around you, it might mean he doesn’t feel a real connection with you. Make sure you can tell the difference between shyness and emotional unavailability.
  7. Does he invite you out with his friends all the time? It’s a good thing when a guy invites you out with his friends. But, if it seems like his whole group of buddies are always coming along on your “dates”, then you should be worried that he sees you more as a friend than someone he wants to date seriously.
  8. Does he flirt a lot? Just because a guy is charming and flirtatious with you, it doesn’t mean he’s crazy about you. A guy who’s a natural flirt likely hits on lots of other women — not just you. That’s not to say that this dude isn’t flirting solely with you at the moment, but make sure he backs up his pretty words with solid actions before you take what he’s saying seriously.
  9. Does sex seem to be his end goal? Check how you were feeling about the relationship before he suggested sex. If you had a strong emotional connection and he proved it by wanting to get to know you, then sex could be on the path to a relationship. If you feel that he was giving you mixed messages, sex is just a cheap and convenient way for him to get something out of you without committing.
  10. Is he really single? This seems obvious, but so many people overlook it. Has the guy actually said that he’s single, or have you just assumed that he is? If he’s always angling his phone away from you while he’s texting or seems to be oddly shady about you going over to his place, you might not be the only woman in his life.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.