If You’re Desperate To Date, You Should Probably Stay Single

If You’re Desperate To Date, You Should Probably Stay Single ©iStock/Eva-Katalin

You’re so over being single and just bursting at the seams to meet a guy. You’re tired of obsessing over your ex and his seemingly perfect new relationship and ready to create one of your own. It’s tempting, but there are a million reasons why this is exactly when you should stay single AF.

  1. You’re just lonely. Yeah, feeling lonely sucks, but being alone can be awesome! You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want. Feeling sorry for yourself is a terrible reason to date. It’s putting a band-aid on a wound that needs much deeper healing.
  2. You’re not making yourself happy. If you’re feeling unhappy on your own, you can’t just use a guy as a substitute for finding joy within yourself. It’s cheesy but true: you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. If you make yourself happy first, you won’t need to go looking for dates. They’ll be naturally attracted to your secure sense of self.
  3. You’re grasping at straws. You know deep down that dating random guys isn’t the answer. It won’t make you feel better. You’re simply reaching for anything that’ll make you happy, but it’s a quick fix. Do the work and turn inward instead. It’s more difficult, but it’ll afford you greater satisfaction in the long run.
  4. You’re trying to fill a void. You think it’s a hole that your ex left there, but that wouldn’t be possible if you were a complete person on your own. The void is so much easier to fill with one guy after another than to fill with love for yourself. Unfortunately no guy will ever solve the problem, and it’s really difficult to maintain a romantic relationship when you’re missing an essential piece of your soul.
  5. You’re just looking for a distraction. You think you need to take your mind off of your latest breakup, or work stress, or family problems. What better way to do this than to go hook up with a random, or go on a date with someone you barely know? You could do this, it’s true. It’ll distract you for a while… but it won’t make the original issue disappear.
  6. You’ll continue choosing the wrong guys. If you don’t take time out to get introspective about what you want and need, nothing will change. You will make the same mistakes over and over again, and attract the same guys for all the wrong reasons. It’ll be like the love life version of Groundhog Day. Make some changes, and stay single even though you can hardly stand it.
  7. You’ll make rash, hasty decisions. Impatience to date leads to poor choices. You might rush to jump into bed and regret it, among other things. You just want to get back out there, but have patience. Wait until it feels right instead of just following your horny desires. You’re not going to have satisfying sex if you simply pick the first dude who strolls by.
  8. Being desperate isn’t attractive anyway. It’s not hot when you’re obviously trolling for dates. People can smell desperation from a mile away. It’s subtly repulsive. Confidence and quiet security in oneself draws others in. You know what doesn’t? Neediness and trying too hard. You’ll only attract crappy guys this way.
  9. It’ll only happen when you’re not looking. There’s a reason people find love when they aren’t looking for it in the least. It’s because they’ve taken the time to develop happiness on their own. If you make a full life for yourself, others will want to be around you. Your security and joy in what you already have will bring you what you are still missing. It’s not about being incomplete without a partner. It’s about finding completion and then another complete person to walk alongside you, both standing tall.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.