Growing up with an emotionally immature parent is a unique kind of childhood experience—one that often leaves lasting effects well into adulthood. Unlike parents who provide stability, guidance, and emotional security, emotionally immature parents are unpredictable, neglectful, dismissive, or even outright cruel. They may not have been physically abusive, but their inability to handle their own emotions meant they couldn’t properly support yours.
As a child, you may not have recognized their behavior as harmful. You may have even normalized it, believing that all parents acted this way. But as an adult, you might look back and realize that your home life was filled with instability, invalidation, and a lack of emotional safety. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt, insecurity, or difficulty setting boundaries, your upbringing may have played a larger role than you realized. Here are 15 signs you may have grown up with an emotionally immature parent.
1. They Dismissed Your Trauma Because “You Had It Better Than They Did”

Anytime you expressed pain or sadness, your parent may have reminded you that their childhood was worse. Maybe they told you that they had it rougher, so you had no right to complain. Instead of validating your feelings, they minimized them, making you feel guilty for struggling.
According to PsychCentral, this kind of dismissal teaches children to suppress their emotions, believing their pain isn’t valid. As an adult, you might downplay your own trauma, convincing yourself that others have it worse and that your feelings don’t matter. But they do. Your experiences are real, and you deserve healing—no matter how much your parent tried to convince you otherwise.
2. They Had Loud Parties And Never Put You to Bed
An emotionally immature parent often prioritizes their own needs over their child’s, including their social life. If your home was always full of loud parties, late-night gatherings, or chaotic energy, you probably learned early on that your comfort didn’t come first. You may have had to put yourself to bed while music blasted from downstairs or learned to sleep through the sound of your parent’s friends laughing into the early morning hours. Maybe you wandered around the house at night, unsure if anyone would notice you were awake.
According to Psychology Today, emotionally immature parents often blur the lines between friend and parent, creating environments where children’s needs are secondary to their own social desires. This kind of environment teaches a child that their needs are secondary, that they are an afterthought in their own home. Instead of structure and routine, there was inconsistency and a sense that your parents weren’t really parents, but more like reckless older siblings. As an adult, you might struggle with sleep issues, anxiety around noise, or difficulty feeling safe and secure in your own home.
3. They Called You Names

A healthy parent corrects behavior, but an emotionally immature parent attacks who you are. If your parent frequently called you names—whether in anger, frustration, or even “as a joke”—you likely grew up feeling like you weren’t good enough. They may have called you stupid when you made a mistake, dramatic when you expressed feelings, or selfish when you asked for something. Instead of nurturing your self-esteem, they chipped away at it with every insult.
According to Psych Central, children who experience emotional abuse might have more difficulty managing their responses to difficult emotions. As a child, you probably internalized their words, believing that if your own parent saw you this way, then it must be true. Now, as an adult, you might find yourself battling negative self-talk, always feeling like you need to prove yourself, or fearing that people secretly think poorly of you. What your parent framed as “tough love” or “just being honest” was actually emotional damage that shaped the way you see yourself today.
4. They Pitted Your Siblings Against You
Rather than fostering a sense of unity among their children, emotionally immature parents may thrive on competition and division. They might compare siblings constantly, praising one while criticizing the other, or play favorites, designating one child as the “golden child” while subtly (or not so subtly) undermining the other. Perhaps they even spread rumors between siblings, turning small conflicts into full-blown rivalries.
According to Psychology Today, when parents engage in behaviors such as verbal abuse, scapegoating, or playing favorites, it can lead to siblings having vastly different perceptions of their family dynamics, often resulting in long-term relational issues. When a parent pits their children against each other, they create a lifelong sense of mistrust and insecurity. Instead of bonding with siblings, individuals may feel like they are always in competition, vying for love and approval. Even as adults, they may struggle with comparing themselves to others, feeling like love is something that has to be “won” rather than freely given.
5. They Told You That You Could Never Achieve A Goal You Had

A supportive parent encourages their child’s dreams, no matter how big or small. But an emotionally immature parent? They shut them down before they even begin. Maybe you once excitedly told them you wanted to be an artist, a doctor, or an astronaut, only to be met with laughter, sarcasm, or outright discouragement. Instead of telling you that you could do anything, they told you all the reasons you couldn’t.
According to Verywell Mind, children raised by emotionally immature parents often internalize dysfunctional patterns, leading to a distorted perspective of what a healthy relationship and communication should look like. This kind of discouragement seeps into adulthood, making you second-guess every ambition you have. You might struggle with self-doubt, fearing that you’re not smart, talented, or capable enough to succeed. Deep down, a part of you may still hear their voice, reminding you of all the ways you’re bound to fail.
6. They Spoke To You In A Sarcastic Way
Sarcasm may seem harmless, but when it’s a parent’s primary way of communicating with their child, it can be deeply damaging. Instead of responding to you with warmth and sincerity, they laced everything with mockery. If you were upset, they rolled their eyes and said, “Oh, poor you.” If you asked for help, they acted like you were ridiculous for even needing it. Every interaction felt like a joke at your expense.
Growing up in an environment where sarcasm replaced emotional support teaches you that your feelings aren’t valid. Now, as an adult, you might struggle with expressing vulnerability, fearing that people will mock you rather than support you. You might even use sarcasm as a defense mechanism, deflecting emotions because that’s what you were taught to do.
7. They Belittled You In Front Of People
A parent’s job is to lift their child up, but an emotionally immature parent sees their child’s confidence as something to tear down—especially in front of an audience. Maybe they made jokes about your weight, your intelligence, or your personality while laughing it off as harmless teasing. Maybe they shared embarrassing stories about you at family gatherings, completely disregarding how it made you feel. They might have even exaggerated or fabricated things just to get a reaction from others, using your discomfort as their own source of amusement.
This kind of behavior teaches children that their feelings don’t matter and that humiliation is just part of existing. Instead of feeling safe in social settings, you may have felt like you were always on the verge of being mocked. As an adult, you might struggle with social anxiety, hyper-awareness of how others perceive you, or even self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism. The pain of being ridiculed by someone who was supposed to protect you can stay with you long after childhood.
8. They Made Fun of All Your Friends

When you introduced a friend to your parent, did they immediately start making sarcastic comments or point out flaws? Did they call your friends weird, stupid, or annoying? Maybe they discouraged you from spending time with certain people, not because they were bad influences, but simply because your parent disliked the idea of you forming bonds outside of them. Instead of supporting your friendships, they made you feel embarrassed or self-conscious about the people you chose to be around.
This type of behavior isolates a child, making them second-guess their social connections. You may have learned to hide friendships, downplay your excitement about spending time with others, or even feel guilty for enjoying relationships outside of your family. As an adult, you might struggle with feeling like you need permission to form close connections or fear that the people you love will eventually be judged and torn down by others.
9. They Spoke Badly Of Your Teachers
A parent should encourage a healthy respect for education and the people who provide it. But emotionally immature parents often view authority figures as threats, including your teachers. If you ever came home talking about a teacher you admired, your parent might have immediately criticized them, called them stupid, or suggested they had no idea what they were talking about. They may have dismissed any feedback from teachers, refusing to acknowledge any concerns about your academic performance or behavior.
This kind of attitude teaches children that authority figures are either incompetent or out to get them. It creates an environment where learning and structure are devalued, leading to possible academic struggles or a distrust of mentors later in life. As an adult, you might find yourself questioning experts, disregarding constructive criticism, or struggling with authority in professional settings because you were conditioned to believe that no one outside your family had any real wisdom to offer.
10. They Criticized Your Appearance
For many emotionally immature parents, their child’s appearance is never quite good enough. Maybe they commented on your weight, telling you that you needed to eat less or exercise more. Maybe they criticized your skin, your hair, or the way you dressed, always making sure you knew that you weren’t meeting their impossible standards. Even when they weren’t outright insulting you, they might have made passive-aggressive comments like, “Are you really going to wear that?” or “You’d be so much prettier if you just tried a little harder.”
Growing up with this kind of scrutiny can cause deep-rooted insecurity that follows you into adulthood. You may struggle with body image, feeling like you’re never attractive enough, no matter what you do. You might hear their voice in your head every time you look in the mirror, pointing out flaws you didn’t even notice before. No child should have to fight for their own parent’s approval of their appearance, and no adult should carry that burden into their self-image.
11. They Never Let You Express Your Opinion
Healthy families encourage open discussions, but emotionally immature parents shut them down before they even begin. If you ever tried to voice your thoughts, challenge their opinions, or express a different perspective, you were probably met with eye rolls, dismissive comments, or outright anger. Maybe they told you that children should be “seen and not heard” or accused you of being disrespectful just for having your own ideas.
This kind of environment teaches children that their voice doesn’t matter. Instead of feeling encouraged to think critically and develop their own beliefs, they learn to stay silent to avoid conflict. As an adult, you might struggle with advocating for yourself, expressing your needs, or speaking up in relationships and the workplace. The fear of being shut down still lingers, even when the people around you are willing to listen.
12. They Had No Structure, And Your House Was A Mess
Children thrive on structure, but emotionally immature parents often lack the ability to provide it. Maybe your home was always chaotic—meals were unpredictable, bedtime was nonexistent, and there were no real rules or expectations. Maybe your house was physically messy, filled with clutter, dirty dishes, or neglected responsibilities. Instead of a safe, organized environment, you were left to navigate disorder on your own.
Growing up in this kind of instability can create lifelong struggles with organization and emotional regulation. As an adult, you might crave structure but struggle to maintain it, swinging between extreme order and complete disarray. You may feel overwhelmed by tasks that seem easy for others, simply because you never had a model for how to manage daily life in a functional way.
13. They Used Guilt To Manipulate And Control You
Emotionally immature parents rarely take accountability for their own emotions. Instead, they use guilt as a weapon to manipulate their children into compliance. If you ever expressed a boundary or did something for yourself, they may have said things like, “After everything I’ve done for you,” or “I guess I’m just a terrible parent.” They turned every disagreement into an attack on them, making you feel like you were the bad guy for wanting basic respect.
This kind of guilt-tripping makes it incredibly difficult to set boundaries as an adult. You might feel responsible for other people’s emotions, always prioritizing their comfort over your own needs. You may struggle to say no, fearing that you’ll hurt or disappoint someone, even when it’s the right thing to do.
14. They Made You Responsible For Their Emotions (And Problems)
Instead of managing their own feelings, emotionally immature parents expect their children to do it for them. Maybe they vented to you about their problems, using you as their emotional support system. Maybe they relied on you to cheer them up when they were in a bad mood. If they were upset, you were expected to fix it. This kind of role reversal forces a child to become their parent’s caretaker, often at the expense of their own emotional development.
Now, as an adult, you may find yourself taking on the emotions of others, feeling an overwhelming responsibility to “make things right” even when it’s not your job. You might struggle with relationships where you’re always the one providing support but never receiving it in return.
15. They Acted Like A Victim Whenever You Called Them Out
If you ever tried to confront your parent about their behavior, they likely turned the situation around to make you the villain. Instead of listening or acknowledging your feelings, they acted hurt, defensive, or exaggerated their own suffering. Maybe they cried, accused you of being cruel, or even brought up their own childhood trauma as a way to dismiss your concerns. The message was clear: you were the problem, not them.
This kind of reaction makes it nearly impossible to hold them accountable, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated. As an adult, you may hesitate to address issues in relationships, fearing that speaking up will only lead to more emotional manipulation.