He Didn’t Cheat On Me, But I Still Felt Betrayed

He Didn’t Cheat On Me, But I Still Felt Betrayed ©iStock/gpointstudio

You don’t always have to be cheated on to feel betrayed. I always believed that as long as my boyfriend wasn’t unfaithful, things couldn’t be so bad. Boy, was I wrong. There were so many other elements of my relationship with my ex that made me realize how disrespectful and unfair he truly was. He didn’t wander, he didn’t flirt, he didn’t choose to be unfaithful — he just didn’t accept me for who I was, and that was more hurtful than anything.

  1. He didn’t trust me when he had every reason to. If there was anything I wanted him to know, it was that I had his back no matter what. I wanted him to know he could count on me to be there for him and never disappoint. Because of his stubborn ways and his over-the-top jealously, he couldn’t let me in. He accused me of things I didn’t do and put words in my mouth when I was silent. Even though I was faithful, he made me feel like I wasn’t.
  2. He questioned my motives and made me feel dumb. Explaining to him why I handle situations a certain way or why I had certain conversations with people would always confuse him. He never truly got the chance to know the real me because he was too busy looking for what he just assumed to be true. I just wanted to be accepted and for him to enjoy the person I was, but it was hard for him to do that when he was constantly judging me.
  3. His words didn’t match his actions. His exclamations of how he felt about me or what he wanted for us always sounded lovely on paper, but not so much in the real world. I would be told one thing and always shown another. I felt as if he would propose these dramatic gestures in attempts to get me to stick around, even if he didn’t truly mean them. Making a point and following through with it just seemed like a difficult task for him.
  4. He blamed me for my faults. Whatever my flaw, he was quick to point it out, let me know why it was my fault and instruct me on what I could be doing differently. He claimed it was his way of trying to make life better for me, but really it was just his disapproval of basically everything about me.
  5. He always had to prove my thoughts and opinions wrong. I just wanted to be able to tell him my thoughts and explain my theories, even if they were crazy, but he just never got it. He always had something to say and would go against everything I said as if he was trying to constantly challenge me. I didn’t need a challenge — I just wanted to feel accepted, even if it was just him humoring me. That would have sufficed.
  6. He never understood my hobbies. Instead of enjoying the activities I liked with me, he always put up a fight and wanted to do something else. It’s like we could never agree on stuff to do and he always made it a bigger deal than it should have been. I just wish he would have had the sense to give in a little, just to make me happy.
  7. He was always trying to change my mind. If my reasons for thinking/feeling/wanting something weren’t good enough for him, he tried to sway what I believed as if he knew so much better than I did and was going to improve my overall knowledge. Venting is supposed to bring a feeling of release, while for me it just added stress. I didn’t need a lesson, I was just speaking my mind.
  8. He didn’t listen to what was important to me. He claimed to have my very best interest at heart, while he failed to realize the parts that were most important to me. Even after telling him multiple times what I wanted out of a relationship or how I prefer things to be, he never paid much attention. All he had to do was take what I said seriously, and we probably wouldn’t have been in such an awful situation.
  9. He completely failed to see thing big picture. It all adds up in the end. I felt betrayed by his words, by his actions and by his inability to accept who I was. He didn’t realize I had bigger plans, I was slowly drifting away, and I just felt alone. I realized my heart was breaking and I felt betrayed in ways that have nothing to do with cheating. Sometimes, it’s hurts just as much. Thankfully, I found the strength to walk away.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia