I Settled & I Highly Recommend It

I used to live by the mantra “never settle.” It’s often used to encourage people to only accept the best from and for themselves. However, I’ve found that the best thing to do is often the opposite. Learning to settle—and letting myself settle—in various aspects of my life has greatly improved my mental health and helped me discover what’s truly important to me.

1. It frees up mental space. Think about how much mental energy it takes to attempt to be hyper-successful in everything. A ton! Letting some of my less desirable goals go has felt like a weight off of my shoulders. Without the stress to be perfect at everything, I have more mental energy to dedicate to the things I really care about. Hell, I have more mental energy to dedicate to my own sanity.
2. It teaches you to prioritize. What do you really care about—that promotion? That unattainable partner? Reaching the next tier of expertise at your art or hobby? Settling in some areas of my life forced me to have that conversation with myself, and in doing so, I realized that there were some avenues of my life where I didn’t mind settling and others where I absolutely refused to do so. This helped me know myself better and allowed me to focus on goals that are really important to me.
3. It teaches you to be happy with enough. Admitting to myself that I needed to settle sometimes was tough, but once I did, I realized that some of the things I was “giving up” by settling weren’t really things I actually needed. Settling taught me that it’s perfectly OK to be happy where you are—and sometimes that’s more than enough.
4. It taught me to define my goals. What does it mean to settle romantically? Professionally? Personally? These are all questions I’ve had to ask myself. I soon realized that I couldn’t answer them without first defining my goals. Knowing what my end game was, even if I wasn’t dedicating time and resources to achieving it, has helped me to know myself better and set more satisfying goals.
5. It takes the pressure off. I can’t emphasize enough how much settling has alleviated my stress. I went from constantly feeling as if I was about to crack under the weight of my own expectations to feeling… light. Admitting to myself that I needed to settle in some areas of my life was fantastic for my mental health. Almost overnight, I changed from someone who was stressed out and overworked to someone who was more relaxed and enjoyed working hard at the things I chose to keep a high priority.
6. It helps you stop judging yourself based on other people’s perceptions. What was I actually afraid of, settling or having other people think I was settling? For me, it was the latter. I cared too much about other people’s opinions; more accurately, I was afraid that my peers would judge me. Allowing myself to settle forced me to confront this fear and made me realize that others’ opinions aren’t as important as I thought they were.
7. It opens you to new experiences. Throwing in the towel on some areas of my life really helped me expand in others. Once I gave up being overworked trying to achieve everything, I had the time and mental energy to be open to new experiences, whether they were things I wanted to try or spontaneous outings with my friends.
8. It allows you to decide what you won’t settle on. I didn’t realize how much I was limiting myself until I chose to settle in some aspects of my life. Suddenly, I was able to devote my full time and attention to a select few things that were really important to me—my top priorities. Before, I told myself that I was doing everything to the best of my ability. Frankly, that was a lie I was telling myself. Deciding what I wouldn’t settle on allowed me to prioritize my choices and make the things I wouldn’t settle on matter.
9. It taught me to value intangible progress. As cheesy as it sounds, you can’t put a letter grade on progress you’ve made in relationships, personal growth, or happiness. Settling forced me to focus on some of the areas of my life that I couldn’t define with a clear stamp of success or failure. Often, I found that these were areas of my life that really mattered but I’d been neglecting them to focus on goals that were easier to ‘succeed’ at or boxes that were easier to check off.
10. Settling isn’t forever. Just because I’m not currently making one thing a priority doesn’t mean that it will always be that way. Before, I was convinced that putting something on the backburner was the same as not making it a priority for the rest of my life and that’s simply not true. Maybe I am settling for some things now, but that only means that I’ll return to those areas of my life when I’m ready to pursue my goals.