I Didn’t Decide Not To Have Kids — I Never Wanted Them In The First Place

People often ask me, “When did you decide you don’t want children?” The answer is that it wasn’t a decision. I’ve never in my life even entertained the idea of starting a family. It’s not in my DNA. Frankly, I don’t know why anyone feels the need to put in their two cents on the issue.

  1. I’m not maternal. I never have been and I’m pretty sure I never will be. I’m already in my mid-thirties and I think I’d know by now. The idea of being a mother just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. Not everyone is meant for that kind of life.
  2. I’ve never looked at a baby and thought, “I want that for myself.” It literally does not happen. I can look at a kid and objectively think that kid is cute, much like I might look at a pet that’s not mine. It’s not that I dislike them, I just don’t want one. There’s a difference.
  3. I secretly pity pregnant women. I’ve never found pregnancy beautiful or cute or charming. All I see is a whole lot of physical discomfort and misery. I get that they must really want kids to put themselves through that hell because I certainly wouldn’t do it.
  4. I really like my freedom and independence. It’s convenient that not only do I want to keep my child-free status, I also greatly enjoy the life that it affords. I’ve never been someone that needed to feel tied down to any place. Quite to the contrary, I prefer to have the flexibility to up and leave whenever I want.
  5. I’m so disinclined to the idea that I’ve had major breakups over it. I am not going to change my mind, and I’m always clear about that when I begin dating a new person. Unfortunately, guys seem to hope that I’ll eventually come around to the idea and they have a rude awakening when they realize that’s not a possibility.
  6. Kids can be fun for a bit… then I want to give them back. Look, I like kids. It’s not about that. I love my niece and nephew, but even then, I’m perfectly fine letting their parents deal with them, especially when they’re difficult. I’m okay filling the role of the fun aunt.
  7. I honestly find children more annoying than anything. I don’t like being around lots of kids anywhere, really. They get in the way of my enjoyment of many things, particularly museums, aquariums, restaurants, mos public places… you get the idea. I like things to be quiet and peaceful.
  8. My brain doesn’t comprehend why people want them so badly. I don’t know why I’m this way, I just am. I don’t ask anyone why the hell they want children even though I don’t get it. I’m aware enough to realize that it’s bad manners to do so. I wish other people would give me the same consideration.
  9. I like my life just the way it is, thanks. I’m very happy and I don’t need to mess with that. I’m careful when it comes to safe sex because I don’t want to have to make a tough decision. In no way do I feel like I am missing out on anything by not having a family.
  10. I’m really tired of people trying to convince me that I feel otherwise. It’s almost hilarious at this point because I’m so certain that I want what I want. I’m not sure why anyone feels the need to argue with me unless they’re secretly unhappy with their choices. They need to mind their own business.
  11. I wouldn’t make my dating life this difficult for myself if I had any other choice. I often think about how much easier it would be to find a man if I wanted to have kids. Every decent guy I meet seems eager to start a family. It’s definitely a hindrance to feel this way, but I can’t help who I am.
  12. I actually know quite a few like-minded women. It does help to feel like I’m not alone. Yes, I’m still in the minority, but I meet an increasing number of women who also have no desire to spawn. They don’t think I’m crazy at all, so that’s refreshing.
  13. When I do meet a guy who feels the same way, I’m going to have to keep him. I hate to think that my options are limited, but they are. It’s okay as long as my guy is out there somewhere, also looking for someone who feels this way. I’m sure it’s even harder to find a girl who doesn’t want children.
  14. I look forward to a long life of child-free adventure and happiness. I’m not afraid of looking back in regret. On the contrary, I’m so certain of my feelings that I wake up each morning excited to do exactly what I want, exactly how I want. I have very little responsibility to anyone else and that’s exactly how I like it.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.