He Didn’t Like Me But I Tried To Change His Mind—Big Mistake

I really liked a guy I’d met off a dating app, so much so that I thought he deserved a chance even after he rejected me. Yup, it sounds crazy, but I thought in time I could change his mind and make him fall in love with me. Here are 15 reasons it was such a bad idea and I won’t do it again.

  1. He went from hot to cold. We chatted on a dating app for a few days, then met in real life and hung out loads. Sounds like a good start, right? Here’s the catch: we never actually dated. It seemed like he was really interested in me at first but then he never took things further. It left me quite confused and pretty frustrated.
  2. I told him how I felt but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like him, so I opened up about my feelings for him. He told me he’d had feelings but they’d faded. Now, he saw me more as a friend than a girlfriend. WTF?
  3. I should’ve walked away but I didn’t. I should’ve just accepted this and walked away. Instead, I stuck around. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I really thought that in time, he’d change his mind about me. He’d felt for me before, so he could again, right?
  4. I got ahead of myself. I started thinking up ways to get him to like me. I put lots of effort into my appearance so that I looked my best, I invited him to the hottest parties where we could have fun that would hopefully lead to more (it didn’t), and I was a really good friend in the hope that he would see girlfriend potential in me.
  5. I didn’t love myself enough to walk away. It was clear that I was desperately trying to get his love, meanwhile, my self-love was running on empty. If I’d really loved myself, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to get the guy. It was pathetic and so draining to put in so much effort and not get anything in return.
  6. I made excuses for him. I fell into that mental trap of thinking he would “come around” in time. He would see the light and realize that we could be great together. Yeah, good luck with that. It never happened.
  7. I wouldn’t have been a good girlfriend anyway—Who was I kidding? It’s weird, but getting him to date me started to become an ego thing for me. Even though I had no self-love, I thought I would be a wonderful girlfriend to him. Um, who the hell did I think I was? Why should he like me if he didn’t? It was egotistical and selfish of me to try to change the guy who didn’t want to be changed!
  8. My behavior actually pushed him away. Instead of bringing him closer to me, it started to push him away. Our friendship suffered. I guess he could tell that I was just trying to get him to be with me romantically, and it must’ve been such a turn-off. Ugh.
  9. I degraded myself. Even though I wasn’t holding onto him and begging him to stay, my actions were a subtle version of that. By trying so hard to get him by looking hot, having a great personality, and sharing his hobbies, I was really saying that I wasn’t worthy of love from someone who really felt for me. I thought so little of myself that I stuck around waiting for a guy who just wasn’t interested. I was jumping through hoops like a pathetic poodle.
  10. I became obsessedThis guy took up so much of my headspace that I started to become obsessed with him. I was always thinking about where he was, what he thought of me, what his words had meant and if he was getting feelings for me. It was so toxic! I completely lost myself to him.
  11. It became a competition that only I was aware of. I was so jealous of the women who got to date him and felt like I was in a competition to make him mine. Over time, this actually made me wonder, “Do I really like this guy in a pure way?” It was starting to become too much about winning and getting what I wanted.
  12. He got with someone else in front of me. At a party, he started kissing another woman in front of me and it totally smashed my heart. I felt so hurt but also pathetic. Why was I waiting for this guy when he was making it brutally clear that he wasn’t into me? I had to wake up!
  13. I’d been intrigued by his unavailability. Something about a guy who’s just out of reach is quite thrilling. I loved the chase and dreaming about getting him in the end, but that’s sad. I shouldn’t have wasted my time on someone who was out of reach because he was perfectly in reach for women he really cared about. That’s what I should have focused on instead of thinking that I could somehow change him. The reality was staring me in the face.
  14. He was living it up—without me. Seeing him kiss another woman showed me that he was happily living his life while I was tearing myself up about not having him. While he was enjoying his life, I was putting my life on hold for a guy who’d rejected me. Ugh!
  15. Once love is dead, it’s dead. I’d hoped that I could’ve been the exception to the rule that once love is gone, it’s gone for good. What had kept me hoping this guy would end up being mine was that he had felt for me in the beginning. But the feelings had disappeared. While trying to get them back, I was really killing my self-worth. Nothing is worth that sacrifice.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.