I Didn’t Put You In The “Friend Zone,” We’re Just Not Right For Each Other

I’m so sick of guys complaining about being put in the “friend zone.” That excuse might make you feel better about yourself, but it’s not the truth. I didn’t choose to be “just friends” with you to punish you or make you feel bad about yourself — I just know that you and I aren’t right for each other as anything more.

  1. Men and women should be able to be friends. Why can’t two people of the opposite gender ever be just friends? Men and women aren’t all that different. If we can relate to each other and even like each other, what’s wrong with being friends? Just because I don’t have romantic feelings for you doesn’t mean you can’t have a place in my life.
  2. I can’t force myself to have feelings for you. No one can help who they love. It’s not something we choose with our heads. It’s our hearts that do the talking. So while I can see that you’re a really great guy, that doesn’t automatically make you the right guy for me. I can’t force myself to have feelings that aren’t really there. There is a woman out there who’s right for you, that woman just isn’t me.
  3. Sometimes love is unrequited. You’re going to have to accept that at some point. Just because you have feelings for me doesn’t guarantee I have feelings for you. Just because I want you in my life doesn’t mean I want you to be my boyfriend. Friends sometimes fall in love, but more often than not, they don’t. If you think you’re in the “friend zone,” I’m not ignoring your potential. I’m just not interested.
  4. My friendship isn’t a punishment. I don’t owe you love or sex. I’m giving you the gift of friendship. That should be worth something to you, because true friendship is pretty damn rare to find. So stop thinking that I owe you more. No woman owes you anything. If you’re really the great guy you think you are, then you should feel lucky to be my friend.
  5. We don’t want the same things out of life. You might be a great guy, but if we aren’t going down the same path then why would I want to share my life with you? Friends can have different goals, dreams, and live completely different lives, but that’s not true for life partners. I want a man who wants the same things I do. So you might be a really great guy, but if we want different things then all we’ll ever be is friends.
  6. If I were interested, you would have never even been in the “friend zone.” If I felt something for you there’s no way we would be just friends. At least, not on my part. I’m choosing to be friends with you because while we may not have chemistry, I still think you’re a cool guy. Why can’t that be enough?
  7. I don’t have feelings for you but I still like you as a person. So why can’t we be friends? What rule says we either have to be lovers or nothing at all? I don’t automatically have romantic feelings for every man I meet. You’re in the so-called “friend zone” not because I can’t see your potential, but because I only like you in one way — as a friend.
  8. It’s time for you to grow up. You can’t blame women for putting you in the “friend zone.” That is not the reason you’re single. Stop blaming the women who have given you friendship and start using them for advice on how to date other women — you know, the ones who will actually be interested. If you want to be mature, stop complaining about the friend zone and start being grateful you actually have friends.
  9. I wasn’t put on this earth to fulfill your needs. You don’t get me just because you want me. Just like you get to choose who you date, so do I. You can’t force or guilt me into a relationship. We’re friends because I love you just as much as any of my girlfriends, and it’s not my job to love you in any other way.
  10. Nice guys don’t finish last. We’re not just friends because you’re a good guy and I only date bad boys. We’re just friends because I’m not interested. That doesn’t mean you’re not a really great guy; I wouldn’t be friends with you if you weren’t. It just means we’re not right for each other, and no matter how much you wish we were, nothing could change that.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.
close-link
close-link
close-link
close-link