I Didn’t Realize He Had Commitment Issues Until He Broke Up With Me

While I consider myself to be pretty perceptive, I didn’t realize the guy I was dating had commitment issues until he dumped me. Turns out, I missed these 13 subtle signs—I won’t make the same mistake again.

  1. He didn’t have a best friend. Don’t get me wrong, he had friends, but none of them really, really knew him. They were drinking buddies, fraternity brothers, and nonchalant co-workers. None of his friends had been in his life longer than five years and I doubt any of them could tell you one intimate fact about him. That right there should’ve been a clear sign he had commitment issues but I didn’t see it.
  2. His text messages were never on my level. I’m a slightly dramatic texter. I like sending heart emojis when heart emojis aren’t necessary—that’s just my style. My ex didn’t even come close to matching my texting enthusiasm. Sure, that could’ve been because he was a subtle kind of dude, but he still could’ve thrown a few LOLs or smiley faces into our conversations.
  3. He thought his friends were crazy to get married. Whenever one of his so-called friends got engaged, he was kinda pissed. He thought marriage was a dumb decision. He didn’t straight up yell at his friends, but he’d always say, “Man, they’re going to regret that when they’re in their thirties.”
  4. He couldn’t even commit to a career. He worked really hard at his job, but his job wasn’t a career (according to him). However, whenever I asked what career he was interested in, he’d tell me 10 different options and none of them were anything alike. He wanted to be a firefighter, a financial advisor, a camp counselor, a professor; the list went on and on.
  5. He never mentioned his exes. I’m not saying he should have discussed his ex-relationships with me 24/7, but I wish I would’ve heard about even one ex. Just one! The fact that he never mentioned any should’ve been a sign that he didn’t really have any to mention. Suspect!
  6. He didn’t want to be friends online. It took him FOREVER to accept my Instagram request. We went on at least five dates before he finally did (and that’s after I jokingly but very seriously complained to him about it). My Facebook friend request was NEVER accepted. To this day, I don’t know what he looked like during his awkward high school phase. What’s up with that?
  7. He talked about his parents a lot. Or more specifically, he talked about his parents’ failed marriage a lot. It clearly affected him (even though it happened, like, seven years before we met). He didn’t think marriages could actually last, so it’s no wonder he didn’t think our relationship could last either.
  8. He was way too good at sex. OK, so maybe he was some sort of sex prodigy, or maybe he was so good because he’d done it a million times. You tell me which one sounds more likely? The latter. The fact that he was pretty much perfect in the bedroom should’ve been a clear sign!
  9. He was incredibly affectionate. I thought his affection was a sign he really liked me. Now I realize it wasn’t. He was only able to give me all that affection because he knew our relationship wouldn’t last long. It was as if he knew this chapter in his life would end so he just wanted to live it our passionately before it was over.
  10. His Instagram was too lit. He was always somewhere out of state. He worked but it was one of those jobs that required him to travel a lot and then he’d make pitstops in random places like Kansas just to “see the sights.” I should’ve known right after my first Instagram creep that he wasn’t the type to remain in one place, or with one person, for very long.
  11. He talked about the future too much. Everything he said ended with, “I’ll make it happen.” When was he going to make it happen? Who knows.  He sure didn’t. He lived in the present but pushed major things out into the future. Yeah, he had commitment issues but I think he also had lazy issues.
  12. His friends didn’t buy his relationship. His friends seemed absolutely shocked that we were together. Every month, they’d act surprised to see me out with him, and it wasn’t because I was a bad time—they just didn’t think he was capable of being in a committed long-term relationship. They were clearly right!
  13. He was at war with himself. Sometimes he was super nice and lovely, other times he was distant and rude. It’s like he couldn’t make up his mind on who he was and how he felt. The guy was at constant war with himself because he was afraid of showing vulnerability, but he couldn’t always control his emotions. Poor little commitment-phobe.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.