I Didn’t Want You Until I Couldn’t Have You & Now It’s Too Late

For the longest time, you made it clear that you were interested in me, but the feeling just wasn’t mutual. I liked you as a friend and all, but I couldn’t envision you as my boyfriend, so taking things to the next level was just not something I wanted. Of course, that all changed once I couldn’t actually have you anymore.

Sometimes you really don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

It took seeing you with someone else for me to finally realize what a great guy you are. When you were single, all I saw was availability. It felt like I already had you and I didn’t miss you until I realized you were never really mine.

I was being selfish.

You had every right to move on. You had every right to a romantic life, but I didn’t care about what was “right,” I cared about my own selfish needs. I wasn’t worried about what was best for you; I was concerned with the fact that I was no longer adored. My “feelings” were nothing but a selfish display of wanting what I could no longer have. I know that now.

I was more interested in the chase.

You wanted me first, and that made getting you just too damn easy. I wanted the unattainable. I wanted the excitement of trying to get a guy more than actually having one. At the end of the day, I wanted the chase more than I wanted you. I was a fool.

I missed the feeling of you wanting me.

It was nice to feel wanted. I think deep down everyone likes to feel wanted. When you were into me, it didn’t really faze me until you wanted her instead. I didn’t really want you, I just wanted you to keep wanting me. How selfish is that?

I was jealous.

You were a permanent friend fixture in my life, but all of a sudden you didn’t have as much time for me because you were spending it with her. I wanted that time back. She was a kid who took my toy on the playground and I didn’t know how to share. You weren’t a toy, though — you were a really great guy, and I may not have realized that, but she definitely did.

I saw what a wonderful boyfriend you could be.

Once you were her boyfriend, I got a front seat view of the fact that you’re the epitome of boyfriend material. I saw you treat her with love and respect, all while I was still sitting here single. I didn’t really want you. I wanted what you had with her, and I still do.

I didn’t realize I had feelings for you.
Not until I had to see you with someone else. I thought that we were just friends, 100% platonic. I wasn’t hiding my feelings — I actually didn’t think there were feelings to hide. I didn’t know I liked you until I saw you with her, and by then it was too late.

Our timing was always off.

When you were into me, I didn’t take it seriously. I didn’t appreciate you. I wasn’t interested in anything more than a friendship. When I was finally into you, you had already moved on. I missed my shot and I only have myself to blame.

I started to miss something we never had.

When I saw you together, I imagined I was her. I dreamed we were falling in love and I envisioned a future in which we’d be together. Once I did, it was hard to let go of that dream. I missed and mourned a relationship we never even had because I desperately wanted a love like that too.

In the end, I just want you to be happy.

If she’s the one for you, then she’s one lucky girl. You’re a great guy. I know that now, and you deserve to be with a girl who sees how great you are from day one. I had my chance and I blew it, but I’m over this pity party. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, even if that someone isn’t me.

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