I Didn’t Want You Until I Couldn’t Have You & Now It’s Too Late

For the longest time, you made it clear that you were interested in me, but the feeling just wasn’t mutual. I liked you as a friend and all, but I couldn’t envision you as my boyfriend, so taking things to the next level was just not something I wanted. Of course, that all changed once I couldn’t actually have you anymore.

  1. Sometimes you really don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. It took seeing you with someone else for me to finally realize what a great guy you are. When you were single, all I saw was availability. It felt like I already had you and I didn’t miss you until I realized you were never really mine.
  2. I was being selfish. You had every right to move on. You had every right to a romantic life, but I didn’t care about what was “right,” I cared about my own selfish needs. I wasn’t worried about what was best for you; I was concerned with the fact that I was no longer adored. My “feelings” were nothing but a selfish display of wanting what I could no longer have. I know that now.
  3. I was more interested in the chase. You wanted me first, and that made getting you just too damn easy. I wanted the unattainable. I wanted the excitement of trying to get a guy more than actually having one. At the end of the day, I wanted the chase more than I wanted you. I was a fool.
  4. I missed the feeling of you wanting me. It was nice to feel wanted. I think deep down everyone likes to feel wanted. When you were into me, it didn’t really faze me until you wanted her instead. I didn’t really want you, I just wanted you to keep wanting me. How selfish is that?
  5. I was jealous. You were a permanent friend fixture in my life, but all of a sudden you didn’t have as much time for me because you were spending it with her. I wanted that time back. She was a kid who took my toy on the playground and I didn’t know how to share. You weren’t a toy, though — you were a really great guy, and I may not have realized that, but she definitely did.
  6. I saw what a wonderful boyfriend you could be. Once you were her boyfriend, I got a front seat view of the fact that you’re the epitome of boyfriend material. I saw you treat her with love and respect, all while I was still sitting here single. I didn’t really want you. I wanted what you had with her, and I still do.
  7. I didn’t realize I had feelings for you. Not until I had to see you with someone else. I thought that we were just friends, 100% platonic. I wasn’t hiding my feelings — I actually didn’t think there were feelings to hide. I didn’t know I liked you until I saw you with her, and by then it was too late.
  8. Our timing was always off. When you were into me, I didn’t take it seriously. I didn’t appreciate you. I wasn’t interested in anything more than a friendship. When I was finally into you, you had already moved on. I missed my shot and I only have myself to blame.
  9. I started to miss something we never had. When I saw you together, I imagined I was her. I dreamed we were falling in love and I envisioned a future in which we’d be together. Once I did, it was hard to let go of that dream. I missed and mourned a relationship we never even had because I desperately wanted a love like that too.
  10. In the end, I just want you to be happy. If she’s the one for you, then she’s one lucky girl. You’re a great guy. I know that now, and you deserve to be with a girl who sees how great you are from day one. I had my chance and I blew it, but I’m over this pity party. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, even if that someone isn’t me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.