Why It Didn’t Work Out With The Guy You Thought Was “The One”

The crumbling of any relationship hurts. You go from having someone to sharing life with, to lying in bed all day stalking Instagram and wondering why you’re single again. Odds are, however, that this person who you thought was “the one” was nothing more than “the next one.” As much as it hurts, here are some reasons it probably didn’t work out, and why that’s actually a good thing.

  1. He Left You Second-Guessing. Your texts would go unanswered and your calls were silenced more than they were returned. Whether it was his player attitude, his string of “friends” who would text him after midnight, or the constant Snapchats from the girls you didn’t know, he always made you wonder if he was all in with you. You shouldn’t be with someone who views you as an option instead of as the only choice. If he was with you for convenience, you should thank him for leaving — you’re worth way more than the uncertainty he gave you.
  2. He Didn’t Make Your Knees Weak. It doesn’t matter how much you like him — if his kisses don’t heat up your blood and his touch doesn’t make you feel something, it probably wasn’t right. No matter how many dinners he pays for or how many gifts he buys, nothing can replace carnal desire. Not even those “just because” flowers that make all of your followers on Instagram jealous.
  3. It Was All Sex. It’s one thing is the sex isn’t great, but it’s a whole other thing if all you have is sex. If all of your dates start and end in the bedroom, it’s not a sign that you’re perfect together; it’s a sign that there wasn’t much substance in the relationship. Orgasms are great, but finding someone to curl up and watch Netflix with is even better (and sure, the occasional orgasm scattered in there doesn’t hurt).
  4. You Weren’t Friends. If you didn’t spend any time together laughing so hard your stomach hurt or getting addicted to TV shows while wearing sweatpants, you might not have been friends. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from romantic comedies, it’s that the key to a happy relationship is a good friendship. Being friends in addition to being in a relationship is the true secret to a happily ever after.
  5. The Timing Wasn’t Right. Maybe it was your first boyfriend: the one who made you feel your first butterflies and made your heart race. Or maybe it was the guy you met when you were studying abroad and made you consider changing your name and staying in Spain forever. Whoever he was, he was perfect. But no matter how much you dreamed about being together, the timing just wasn’t right. You were going to different colleges or didn’t even speak the same language, and eventually, you realized that no matter how much love was there, the stars weren’t aligned.
  6. He Never Put You First. He doesn’t need to put you first every time, just like you shouldn’t always put him first either. But if he never put you ahead of himself, that’s when the red flags rise. He’s not for you if he’s never willing to drop his plans when you’ve had a hard day or plan some time with you instead of just his friends. You need someone who wants your happiness just as much as he wants his own.
  7. You Couldn’t Be Yourself Around Him. The thought of letting him see you without makeup made you anxious, and the thought of letting him see the real YOU was even more terrifying. If you felt like you could never be who you wanted to be with him, then it never would have worked, no matter how cute he was or how happy he made you feel. The perfect person will love the real you, whoever that may be.
  8. He Didn’t Support Your Dreams. Whether you wanted to become the next Tina Fey or were working hard to get your nursing degree, he was never your biggest supporter when it came to your dreams. It’s one thing to be with someone who is realistic and pushes you to achieve your goals, no matter how much of a reach they are. It’s a whole different thing if he was spending more energy telling you you’d never reach your goals than helping you. Find someone who wants you to be everything you want to be, no matter how wild your dreams may seem.
  9. Your Friends And Family Didn’t Like Him. The people in your life don’t have to be as obsessed with your partner as you do, but it really does help if they don’t hate whenever you bring him around. Having friends who think of your SO as their friend and family who hopes to one day think of him as their family can make all of the difference in the world. If everyone you know didn’t like him, they probably had a good reason. And that reason is probably reason enough that things didn’t work out.
  10. He Didn’t Love You For Who You Are. Finding someone who appreciates all of the little quirks that make you, you is important. If he didn’t think your goofy laugh was cute, or if he didn’t appreciate the way your eyes light up when you talk about your favorite fictional characters, he didn’t love all of the little things that made you special. You’re perfect, exactly how you are: flawed, funny, and unique. Anyone who didn’t see that and love that doesn’t deserve to get to know the real you.
  11. He Let You Walk Away. Whatever happened between you, there’s one real reason why he wasn’t the one: if he were, he wouldn’t have let you walk away. He would have cherished all of your “flaws”, supported all your dreams, and fought for you when things were falling apart. If you’re wondering why the person you thought was “the one” isn’t with you anymore, it’s for one reason and one reason only: This isn’t who you’re waiting for. Someday you’ll find someone who makes you realize why it never worked out with everyone else.
Rachel is a writer and professional social media stalker living in Austin, Texas. She spends her free time watching her brother's best friend's sister's cousin's Netflix and eating buffalo chicken dip. If she's not rewatching "Gossip Girl" she's probably crying about the Hogwarts letter she never received over a box of alcoholic Butterbeer.