There’s A Difference Between Being Independent & A Control Freak — Which One Are You?

It can be tough to be super independent and start a new relationship. Sure, you’re in the best possible position since you’d never rely on a guy for anything… but on the other hand, you could be missing out on some amazing things if you take it too far. Here’s why there’s a huge difference between being independent and a control freak:

  1. You have to stay open-minded. You’re asking for disaster if you shut down your boyfriend every time he suggests trying a new restaurant for dinner or wants to start running together on Sunday mornings. Of course you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do, but at a certain point, you should stay open to trying new things and having new experiences. Isn’t that the whole point of sharing your life with someone?
  2. You can’t do everything. Your control freak status means that you want to handle everything in your life. You want to plan it all, from drinks with your best friends to how often you see your boyfriend. You can’t do everything, though, no matter how much you want to. If you’re always the one making the plans and the decisions big and small, you’re going to get burnt out and soon. Let your boyfriend be in charge sometimes — it’s not going to kill you.
  3. You’re going to stress yourself out. There are some parts of life that are stressful and there’s nothing you can do about them, from losing your job to going through a time of change at the office. If you’re too controlling in your relationship, you’re just going to create stress that doesn’t need to be there. That’s going to upset you and your boyfriend too, so it’s probably not the best idea.
  4. You’re missing out on the small surprises. Part of being in a relationship is not knowing what’s around the corner. It’s super exciting and magical, too. If you’re in charge of your life so much that you never leave room for any surprises, it’s crazy how much you’re going to miss out on. You’re going to be less happy, not more.
  5. You’re not learning from your mistakes. Chances are, if you have a tendency to be a control freak in a relationship, you’ve done this before. And that means you’re just not learning from your past mistakes. You have to do the work and figure this stuff out before getting involved with someone new, or it’s going to cause  a whole bunch of problems.
  6. You’re being unfair. You wouldn’t love it if your boyfriend picked everything that you two did together. You would accuse him of being super unfair and way too controlling. So why would you treat him that way? It’s a double standard that’s just not cool.
  7. You’re worried about nothing. When you want all the pieces of your life, from your relationship to your career to your friendships, to be completely perfect all the time, you’re worried about what will happen if things go wrong. But nothing would really happen. Life is full of ups and downs, and there’s not one person out there who doesn’t struggle sometimes. You’re honestly worried about nothing.
  8. You have to chill. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to try so hard to make sure that you’re both happy. That will happen on its own. Seriously, just chill out and see how different things are between you. You’re going to see that everything will be totally fine.
  9. You want to change. Deep down, you know that being so controlling isn’t a good thing. You might be afraid of changing, but there’s a part of you that definitely wants to. Give yourself permission to let life happen instead of forcing certain things.
  10. You’re going to push him away. An independent woman is super attractive. Your confidence is probably what drew this guy to you in the beginning. If you’re too controlling, though, he’s going to run faster than you even realize, and that’s probably not what you want. Don’t be so rigid that you lose someone that could have been an amazing part of your life.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.