I’m A Totally Different Person When I’m Coupled Up Than I Am When I’m Single—Is That Weird?

We all have different aspects to our personalities and we open up different areas of ourselves for different people. It doesn’t mean we’re fake, it just means our personalities are malleable. When I’m single, different parts of my personality come out versus my personality when I’m in a relationship and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

  1. I’m outgoing and impulsive. I’m naturally an introverted person and being in a relationship mellows me out even more. I like to stay in with my guy and Netflix or read a good book. Settling down is my fav thing to do. However, when I’m single, I go a little wild. I’m out on the town and living it up most nights. I’m extroverted, personable, and friendly. Not only that, but I’m more open to new experiences. I have this strange fear missing out on all the fun. I want adventure!
  2. My friend group is totally different. My best friends are always my main ladies but my general group of friends that I spend time with changes. As a single lady, I kick it with my single girls. We go out and take shots, hang out at the bar, and get a little crazy. In a relationship, hanging out with single friends who wanna go out and pick up a guy just feels strange. I still love them but the dynamics of our relationship changes to texts and phones calls. Instead, I kick it with my friends who are married or in serious relationships. We hang out and chat it up. Sometimes we even do couple hangouts, but ladies’ night makes me feel super guilty.
  3. I’m messier. I realize this sounds a bit weird but when I’m single, I’m one messy gal. It’s a pattern I’ve noticed every time I haven’t been in a committed relationship. There seems to be this interesting correlation between my relationship status and my cleaning habits. My guess? I’m busier when I’m single and life is crazy frantic. I throw clothes everywhere and the dishes pile up. I just don’t have the mental energy or time to do any serious cleaning. This is not a trait I’m proud of.
  4. I even dress differently. I have a strange assortment of clothes, ranging from punky and dark t-shirts to flowery hippie attire and pajamas galore. My mood alters my fashion, more so when my relationship status changes. When I’m single, I dress up more often and my makeup game is on point. Despite what it seems, this change has nothing to do with trying to attract men. I crave the confidence boost that comes with feeling pretty. With a boyfriend, you can find me in pajamas most days. Yeah, I’m that chick at the grocery store rocking her PJs. If I wander out of the house, I like light leggings and a t-shirt. It’s easy to throw these outfits together and go. I couldn’t care less how others view me and my cozy outfits.
  5. I’m less focused on my career. Hear me out! I know that in general, single people are more focused on their careers than people that are in relationships. For me, it’s the exact opposite. I’ve always been a little off like that. The right boyfriend motivates me to do better in all aspects of my life, especially my career. In the right relationship, he brings out the best in me because he sees the best in me. I know what our goals are as a couple. To make our dreams happen, that means I need to move up in my career. I zero in on my job and love life instead of on my circle of single ladies. Most importantly, the right guy inspires me without trying.
  6. I tend to be self-absorbed. When I’m not committed, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s feelings or how my actions might affect them. I have the freedom to do what I want when I want, and I take advantage of that sense of lost inhibition. I become slightly self-absorbed, which isn’t a good trait to have but it’s not necessarily bad either. Self-care and self-love are my number one priorities. I just cradle the border of self-love and self-absorption.
  7. My guard is up. As a single woman, my guard is always up. I’m not available emotionally. I’m preventing myself from getting hurt, whether it’s from a friend or a man. Having my guard up shows me who cares enough to tear my wall down. Still, I know that to others, I come off as callous and cold. This brings a whole new side of my personality out that not everyone gets to see.
  8. This doesn’t mean we’re fake. Person6alities and egos are rich and complex. Our selves are malleable; we create ourselves through our experiences. Neither personality is better than the other. They have to coexist for us to be whole. It’s crazy and complicated how we continuously change.
Casey Elizabeth Dennis is a freelance writer and part time poet. She's passionate about mental health and horror movies. You can find her either writing or catching Pokemon in the middle of a cornfield in Iowa.