I Do Everything You’re Supposed To Do To Get A Date But I Still Feel Invisible To Guys

Why is it so easy for my friends to get a date while I’m over here waiting for what seems like years for a guy to even approach me? I feel like I’m doing everything right and dudes just aren’t interested. What gives?

I feel like I’ve tried every dating app under the sun. I’ve tried Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Bumble—I’ve been on basically every dating app in existence and I’ve had the same disappointing experience with all of them. Maybe the type of guys that sign up for apps are just looking for something casual and my bare-faced profile pic just seems too innocent to take advantage of? I don’t know. I feel like I’ve wasted a whole year experimenting on these apps only to get a couple dates out of it that didn’t go well at all.

I’m average looking but not ugly. People say your friends are a good measure of how attractive you are, and mine fall nicely into average territory. I was never in the popular girls’ group (although I occasionally made friends with them) and I wasn’t in the nerdy group; I was always in the regular, average group of girls who get along with everyone. I’ve been told several times that I’m pretty, cute, gorgeous, etc. So why am I not being approached the same way my friends are?

I dress like a woman. When I ask my guy friends why they wouldn’t approach a girl, they said that they won’t consider girls wearing boyish clothing. The thing is, I don’t have this problem. I live in skirts and dresses, wear bright colors, and actually rarely ever wear pants. Guys should be coming up to me in droves based on my wardrobe alone (assuming, of course, they’re into hyper-feminine, mature women).

My only interaction with dudes is when they catcall me on the street. I get catcalled a lot, but it’s rare that a guy ever actually approaches me to talk. I see guys looking at me all the time, but it never goes past that initial look. Maybe I’m giving off a stand-offish vibe? I just don’t know…

I only get approached by weirdos. On the rare occasion that I do get approached, it’s by weirdos. Seriously—it’s always guys who are super drunk or on drugs or just really awkward. Why don’t normal guys approach me? Wait, does this mean that I’m a weirdo too? Dammit.

Maybe guys think I’m gay? Could it be that I give off a lesbian vibe? I don’t think I’ve ever been mistaken for being gay, but maybe I’m giving off the vibe of not being interested in men without knowing it? I mean, it’s possible. I’ve been hit on by plenty of women before and a lot of my friends are lesbians, so maybe it’s an easier mistake to make than I think.

I’m usually the initiator. When I look back on my dating history, the only reason certain relationships panned out was that I was the one who initiated them. If I never approached these guys or made it clear I was interested in them, it never would have happened. It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m open to being approached, but for some reason, it just never seems to happen.

It’s hard for me to even find something casual. Most of my friends always have some kind of casual relationship on the go, but even something like that is hard for me to come by. I don’t understand how some girls can just gracefully fall into these relationships with random guys they meet on the street and it takes me months just to get a single date. How do they do it?

Is it my personality? When I think about it, there are a lot of guys that I consider to be physically attractive that I’d never date because of their personalities. Either they’re really awkward or too harsh, so I’d just instantly write them off. What if guys are doing that exact same thing to me?

Am I being too friendly? In other words, does it seem like I’m friend-zoning literally every guy? I get this vibe all the time from dudes and I instantly assume they just wanna be friends with me. Maybe it’s totally possible that I’m putting out that exact same vibe, deterring any guy from asking me out or seeing me as anything more than a pal.

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