Do I Love Him? How To Figure Out Your Feelings

Do I love him? There are so many ways to figure out if you like someone, primarily by listening to your gut. However, figuring out if your feelings run deep is a little more complicated. Here are some tips to help you figure out where you stand.

  1. Write down the things you like about him. If you’re a visual learner, you’ll find that seeing things laid out in front of you declutters all the mental complexities of making big decisions. In addition to that, by writing things down, you get to consolidate your feelings about the guy. If things turn out to be insignificant or shallow, you can compare them against the things you like about him. This enables you to tell whether the literal number of checks in his column outweighs the crosses. It’s not a perfect answer, but it’s a great foundation for further conversations.
  2. Watch a few good romcoms. By doing this, you not only reaffirm things that you forget about all that’s good about fictional characters’ love lives, but you also get yourself in a good mood. Putting yourself in a pressure-free environment can help relax and unwind your mind so that you can think about your feelings in a clear-sighted way. You can think about how Kate Hudson or Jennifer Aniston would react to getting into a new relationship. I’m not suggesting you should base your real-life relationships on those in movies, but bizarrely, they can help you gain some clarity.
  3. Sound your ideas out with your friends. By talking to your friends about feelings that you’re having for a new partner, you give them the chance to talk about what’s going on. You’ll feel less alone by listening to other people who have experienced similar things. You can draw on their experiences and you realize that feeling complex emotions is actually pretty common. They’ll ask you the right questions to guide how you’re feeling.
  4. Talk to your family. This might be a slightly more formal conversation than with your friends, but by talking to your family, you can get to the real core of the issue. They’ll tell you things gently and in a well-meaning way. It ensures that you hear things kindly but that you hear them, even if it’s hard to swallow. This bonds siblings and cousins alike, and even helps to cross generations by getting a fully new perspective on things that seem overwhelming.
  5. Think about comparing previous relationships. Yes, this is complex and probably toxic to do too much, but it’s useful to compare how you felt at different stages of the relationship. Even though they might be different in every way, I always find it reassuring to know when I conform to my previous relationships or whether I’ve built myself into something new. Ultimately, by thinking about what went wrong with past relationships you can consider how you will do things differently this time and ways that you’ve improved or evolved from that period of time.

Questions to ask yourself when trying to figure out if you love him

  1. Do you want to be with him always? These are some of the questions you should ask yourself when you aren’t sure whether you like someone, love him, or just admire him. It can take some soul-searching to get to the bottom of things, but once you get into the right habit of asking these questions, you will find that you open up a whole world of possibilities. It’s all in your own interest, after all. If you want to have all their attention, but don’t care as much about being with them all the time, for example, you’re probably just infatuated.
  2. Do you get jealous often? In ways that you can’t explain or don’t feel comfortable exploring further? That could mean that you’re interested in this guy in a way that’s more than a friend. For example, if you ask your friends how they feel about other people and it’s not the same as your reaction, that could be an indicator of you experiencing things differently. Jealousy is a hard emotion to deal with because it rears its ugly head without consideration for what underlying issues might be lurking underneath that need addressing. Ask them about it, that’s the easiest way to know.
  3. Do you think you can live without him? This is a hard thing to know early on, but while you’re figuring out your feelings, ask yourself this final question — what would you do if you didn’t see him again? Does that make you feel uncomfortable? More than that? If you know that early on, interrogate that. Other people don’t know from the start.
  4. Does he make you feel like the best version of yourself? In a healthy relationship, your partner makes you feel like a million bucks. They inspire you to go for your goals, challenge you to better yourself in ways you never considered, and act as your biggest cheerleader as you continue to grow and evolve. There’s no way you can possibly love him if he’s not filling those roles in your life.
  5. Do you like him or simply the idea of him? Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you’re crazy about a guy or simply the idea of him you’ve built up in your head. Is he actually that great or is that what you’ve convinced yourself of because you want to be in a relationship and it’s better than being on your own? It’s important to be honest with yourself so you know where you stand.


Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.