Do Men Like Independent Women? They Might If They Understood These Things

Do men like independent women? Oftentimes, it seems like they definitely don’t. Independent women are just walking enigmas with breasts — at least that’s what most guys seem to think. I don’t think we’re that confusing or complicated, and yet time and time again, we end up on dates where the guy’s walking on eggshells because he thinks we’re Feminazis ready to bite his head off if he even opens a door for us. That’s certainly not the case. Frankly, if they understood us a bit more, they might realize what they’re missing out on.

Do men like independent women?

Generally speaking, yes. Most men who are self-actualized and confident in themselves will not only have no problem dating an independent woman, they will actively seek them out. They appreciate women that are ambitious and motivated. Plus, they applaud your achievements and enjoy celebrating them with you. They also seek reciprocal relationships in which you encourage one another to become your best selves.

Of course, there are men that do not like independent women because they’re insecure. In this instance, powerful women can seem intimidating or even immasculating. That’s their problem and something they need to work on — not something the women in question need to fix.

Things they should understand about us

  1. We don’t mind help. Sure, we probably won’t admit it easily, but we don’t mind if you help us out. Don’t try to take over, but if we have a car load of bags to carry in, grab a few and help out. We don’t even mind you opening doors for us — we’d do it for you, after all.
  2. We don’t need you, but we want you. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s not. You don’t want a clingy woman who can’t survive without you. Yes, we can survive without you being by our side. We want you and enjoy you in our lives. We just know there’s more to life than having a boyfriend.
  3. We’re still feminine. I actually had a guy ask why I was wearing a skirt one day. Seriously, independent doesn’t equal manly. We’re still perfectly capable of being feminine, and many of us look like super girly girls. We’ll even cry over a chick flick like any other woman.
  4. Sometimes we don’t want to be so strong. We love taking care of ourselves, but sometimes we really just want someone else to take over. We want someone to listen, cook us dinner and help when we’re stressed out. Let us know you’re there for us and deserving of our trust. Then, you’ll see this side of us.
  5. We’re strong, not bitchy. A strong man is attractive, but a strong woman is called a bitch. What the hell? Yes, independent women are strong. That doesn’t mean we’re bitchy. When you expect us to be a 1950s housewife, we might get a little pissed, though.
  6. We value commitment. Whether it’s friendship or a relationship, we highly value commitment. We don’t have time for BS in our lives. If you lie, cheat, or waver on your commitment, we’ll leave. We know we deserve better.
  7. We need to be alone, but it’s nothing personal. I really wish past boyfriends would’ve understood this. If I went for two days without calling, they were sure something was wrong. We need our space to do our own thing. It’s nothing personal against you; it’s just how we are.
  8. We want a partner, not a caretaker. We’re looking for a partner in the truest sense of the word. We don’t need some guy to take care of us. If that’s what you’re looking for, find a damsel in distress type. Independent women just want somebody to treat us as an equal. Do that and you’ll have our hearts.
  9. We want respect, not flowers. Sure, flowers are nice, but your respect is much more important. Gaining respect from those we care about is important to us. Treating us with respect means more to us than you could ever imagine. If you want to give us a compliment, start here.
  10. Our careers are important. Independent women work hard to support themselves, and it makes us extremely career-oriented. That doesn’t mean nothing else is important to us; it just means that if you talk down about our career or try to make us choose, we’re going to choose our career over you every time. Respect what we do and we’re in great shape.
  11. Every independent woman isn’t the same. There’s a common stereotype that every independent woman is an extreme feminist who hates men, doesn’t want kids, and thinks she’s better than every one else. There are a few like that, but that’s not the majority. Get to know us before you judge. Every independent woman isn’t the same and doesn’t want the same things in life.
  12. We already have a life. We’re already complete without you. We have friends, family, a career, and a place to live. We’re happy to make you a part of our life, but we don’t need you to complete us. Don’t try to change us or take us away from the life we’ve built. We’re happy the way we are.
  13. We don’t have some deep, dark secret. I’m not sure where the myth that every independent woman is damaged came from. I’m honestly sick to death of guys who want to “fix” me. They think I’m independent because of some past trauma. No, it’s the way we’re made. No deep, dark secret or trauma for you to fix. Just accept us and be happy.
  14. We need a guy with as much ambition as us. It’s no surprise that independent women are highly driven, and we need someone in our lives who’s not only OK with our passion for success, or has the same level of ambition for himself. We want someone who will continue to drive us to be the best we can be, because slowing down the pace for a relationship really isn’t an option for us.
  15. We refuse to put up with crappy behaviors. We’re happy enough with our own lives that we don’t actually need a relationship. Because of this, we won’t hesitate on calling out a-hole behaviors and refuse to buy into silly dating games. We have better things to do with our time than dealing with unnecessary drama from guys.
  16. We look for someone who fits into our fast-paced world. We have stuff to do and goals to conquer, so we seek to find partners who won’t just add positivity to our constantly changing lives, but someone who also fits into it. We recognize that two people need to fit in order to be successful in a relationship, and we need to be in sync with our partners.
  17. Words don’t impress us; actions do. We’ve heard our fair share of lines from men in attempts to charm us until we’re weak in the knees, but it doesn’t work on us. We’re impressed when a man actually follows through with his romantic talk and puts those words into motion. We want to feel and experience all the right things, not just hear them.
  18. We don’t want a guy that’s intimidated by us. Some men just can’t handle an independent woman. We’re bold and assertive in what we want out of life, and we look for men who admire this about us instead of acting like they’re competing with us.
  19. We’re need someone who stimulates our minds, too. We like to be challenged, and we’ll take conversations of substance over fluff any day. We need a guy who can actually hold an intelligent conversation with us and offer us more than just cheap small talk. If he can stimulate our mind and our bodies, he’s definitely going to get our undivided attention.
  20. We don’t believe in settling. We know we could lower the standard and find someone to spend our lives with if that’s all we wanted, but why bother? We refuse to accept less than what we know will make us completely happy in the end. We’ve already made it this far without someone by our side — what’s a little longer to find what we really want?
  21. We know what we bring to the table. When you’re an independent woman killing it in every aspect of her life, you’ll only accept the best possible outcome from the love that you want too. We know who we are and what we have to offer, so we’re not afraid to keep walking alone if we have to until we find someone who appreciates it.
  22. We’re already happy on our own. We’re perfectly happy with the way our lives are as-is without a relationship. For us to make the necessary sacrifices to welcome love into our lives, it has to be really worth it. He can’t just be someone who’s good enough — he needs to rock our core to the fullest before we’ll jump head first into it.
  23. We go after what we want in love the same way we do in life. The bottom line is that independent women are already happy and successful in our lives, and they got that way by their own personal ambition and drive. Finding love is no different than rocking the game of life she’s already mastering. We’re pickier because we know what we want, who we are, and what will make our lives even more amazing.  We won’t stop until we find the love we want for ourselves, even if takes a while.

Secrets we don’t want men to know (but maybe they should)

  1. Rejection scares us. We don’t mind making the first move when we like a man, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We’re still scared of being turned down, just like everyone else is. The only difference is that we know we need to go after what we want if we’re ever going to get it.
  2. We have our lazy days. We might give off the impression that we’re working from morning to night, but we aren’t always on our A-game. Some days, we’ll stay in bed all day long to watch Netflix in our pajamas. We deserve some time off, too, you know.
  3. We can be submissive. We love having control, but it can take a lot out of us. That’s why we don’t mind when our men take on the dominant role in the bedroom every once in a while. We don’t mind if they take out the garbage or do the dishes for us, either.
  4. We like to feel like a lady. We want our peers to take us seriously at work, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to give up our pumps and pencil skirts. We like looking and feeling fashionable, because we know that a woman can be independent and sexy at the same time.
  5. We have breakdowns. We look like we have our lives figured out, but we don’t. Nobody does. That’s why we’re just as likely to break down crying in the bathroom as anyone else. We’ll just wipe the tears away before anyone can see us.
  6. We care about other people’s opinions. We don’t dress to impress others. We don’t make decisions to please others. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we don’t pay attention to what other people have to say about us. It’s impossible to ignore their opinions. Even though we try our best not to care about what other’s think, deep down, we still do.
  7. We’re insecure. We walk around like we’re hot stuff, but we have issues with our bodies, just like everyone else does. We might hate how big our noses are or how small our breasts are, but we hide it well. After all, we know we’re amazing, despite our “flaws.”
  8. We can’t do it all. We’d love to have time to cook a big meal, go to work, keep in touch with our friends, and date all in the same day. Of course, that’s impossible. That’s why we might order Chinese food or hire a cleaning lady. We don’t have superpowers, even though it might seem that way.
  9. We get jealous. We refuse to tear down other women. Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re able to stop ourselves from looking at another girl and getting jealous. It’s part of being human. We just don’t let that negativity show.
  10. We want to be loved. Maybe we’re on the hunt for a boyfriend. Maybe we’re searching for new friends. Maybe we’re in the process of adopting a puppy. It doesn’t matter how independent we are, because we still want to be loved by someone.

Why we’re not desperate for love

  1. We’re too busy focusing on ourselves. When you’re hustling this hard, it’s hard to find the time to truly devote precious time towards sampling what’s out there when it comes to guys. We’ll make time for the right guy, of course, but until he actually shows up and shows us that our focus is worth a little adjustment, we’re content with just doing us for now.
  2. Sacrificing our priorities isn’t an option. We won’t be dropping our priorities just to run to meet up with any guy who shows interest we handle our own stuff first above anything else. It’s cool if some women are into constantly jumping off the ledge and into new opportunities, but we take our time with it because we like to maintain balance in our lives always. It needs to happen gradually, not all at once.
  3. Dating culture these days blows. The dating culture these days is all about constantly looking to upgrade, have sex without commitment, ghosting, penis pictures and the list goes on. The only thing we’re looking to upgrade is ourselves.
  4. We don’t need someone else to feel complete. We’ve already spent real time and effort on making ourselves amazing, and we don’t feel like anything is needed in our lives to feel like we’ve come full circle. Love is a bonus to us, and the person who fits into that role needs to be someone who makes us feel like he’s making the life we built for ourselves even more amazing than we thought it was.
  5. He needs to really shine above the rest. If we’re going to let love into our lives, he has to be someone who really shakes our core. He needs to be someone we can’t stop thinking about day in and day out and someone who makes us feel insanely intrigued. We don’t swoon over “good enough” guys or guys who “seem decent” — we need more than that to break away from the lives we’re killing it in.
  6. We’ve been there, done that. We’ve had many different types of relationships and we’re done with the BS and with wasting our time. We’re not into almost relationships, or commitment phobic men who have no problems with sleeping with us instead of trying a real relationship. We’re grown adults and we’ve got stuff to do — we don’t have time to be on the fence anymore.
  7. We’re content with just ourselves. Independent women have life handled and for many of us, we’ve been handling it for a long ass time. We’ve reached a point where we’re completely comfortable and happy living our lives just as they are. We don’t feel desperate for a love life — we already love ourselves.
  8. Pajamas and Netflix is better than another douchebag. Realistically, putting on pants and shaving our legs for another jerk with a penis agenda isn’t as appealing as chilling out in a soft pair of pajamas with a glass (or bottle) of wine while watching Netflix with a clay mask on. Like I said, he needs to be really worth it.
  9. We don’t have time to waste. We lead busy lives, we’ve got our responsibilities handled and we’d like to keep it that way. If an amazing man finally shows up causing us to be smitten enough that we feel it’s worth fitting him into our lives, we will. Until he does, though, we rely on serendipity. We don’t force love to happen to us.
  10. It’ll happen when it happens. Because we’re happy with our lives just as they are, we aren’t in any rush to find love. Love is something to us that will happen when it’s meant to at either the most inconveniently beautiful or perfect moment for us. We’re not about to drop our lives to chase affections when we’ve got infinite individual pursuits to conquer.

Things independent women need from a guy if we’re going to commit

  1. A clear understanding that we value our freedom. For independent women, freedom is paramount. Not just physical freedom, but emotional and mental freedom, too. We need a man who understands that we won’t be captured or caged, either literally or metaphorically.
  2. The knowledge that we just might take off for days or weeks. I’m a big fan of getting the hell out of dodge, and this was something that my ex struggled with. He couldn’t understand why I wanted or even needed to be away, and I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want the same.
  3. Accepting that our alone time is the best time. Leave. Us. Alone. No, seriously… leave us alone to breathe, live, and lie on the couch in our underwear without having to talk to anyone.
  4. The realization that neediness will have us running for the hills. Nothing makes an independent woman sick to her stomach quite like a needy man. We love you and love being with you, but please stop whining because you haven’t seen us in three days.
  5. Letting us love on our own terms. I’ve always felt that independent women love differently than women who are more co-dependent. We love as much and as hard as we can, but we also keep things for ourselves, too.
  6. Understanding the true meaning of “partner.” In a relationship, a partner is an equal part of one whole. Independent women have rules for their relationships: They don’t want to be provided for, taken care of, or babied. They want to be treated as equals to a man in every way possible.
  7. Not being afraid for us. We’re fearless creatures, us independent women, and we need a man who doesn’t get scared for us when we go out into the world. He needs to let us go do our thing, and if we end up in the jungles of Africa, then so be it.
  8. Appreciating what we bring to their life. Face it: Independent women bring something to a relationship that co-dependent women do not. What is it? Inspiration. A man can learn a lot from an independent, fearless, free spirit who plays by her own rules and doesn’t need to be texted every half hour.
  9. Loving us by letting us go away sometimes. As they say, “If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it’s yours.” With that in mind, what an independent woman needs in a man more than anything is someone who trusts that we love ourselves enough to go away sometimes, but we love them enough to come back again, too.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love.