If You Do These 12 Things When Arguing With Your Partner, You’re Ruining Your Relationship

Having an argument isn’t what ends a relationship, how you handle the argument does. If you do any of these 12 things while going back and forth with your partner, you might be putting your relationship in jeopardy.

  1. You start an argument at the wrong time. An argument needs two willing participants in order for it to be successful, which means you shouldn’t start one when your partner is on the toilet or out with their friends. They need to be ready and in a calm mindset for the conversation to be proactive and actually go somewhere. Surprising your partner with an argument was cute in high school but not anymore.
  2. You move on before things are resolved. Moving on from an argument before you’re actually over whatever issue caused it might seem like the mature thing to do but it’s not. It forces you to suppress your emotions, which isn’t healthy. You need to express yourself during an argument so you don’t carry that anger around with you and then explode a month later. There’s nothing wrong with lingering a little to make sure you’re actually over it when you say you are.
  3. You start off with an attack. There’s no reason to start a conversation with a verbal attack. Even when you have a specific complaint, don’t make it the first thing you say. “I hate it when…” sounds so harsh! Not to mention the fact that comments like that will piss off your partner and automatically turn the argument into a fight.
  4. You text your problems out. If you typically start or try to finish an argument via text message, you’re making things way harder for yourself than they need to be. Arguments are already frustrating—you don’t want to make them even more so by relying on emojis and arbitrary wording to settle things. Make sure the conversation happens in person, please.
  5. You automatically get defensive. It’s easy to take things personally when you’re in an argument with your partner. Odds are, you’re both bringing up things you don’t love about the other. Just try to listen to what they’re saying so you can grow from it and strengthen your relationship. Don’t automatically get defensive and assume your partner is trying to change you or break up with you.
  6. You hide from the argument. The key to a successful argument is to be emotionally honest. Don’t hide anything! Whatever the problem is, say it and really dig deep when you’re speaking so you can make sure you’re addressing the route of the issue and not just the surface of the problem.
  7. You bring up past fights. There’s a special place in hell for people who bring up past fights during a new argument. That’s annoying and counterproductive. It’s not fair to your partner and it’s going to make both of you angrier than you need to be. When you’re in an argument, focus on that argument, not the argument from a year and a half ago.
  8. You don’t keep your arguments short. Most arguments can be resolved quickly whether that resolution is ending the relationship or deciding to forgive and move on. There doesn’t typically need to be a six-week conversation over one argument. Unfortunately, that happens when people decide to drag stuff out. Don’t do that! Find a resolution to the problem sooner than later so you both can get on with your lives.
  9. You go low. Calling someone a name (even if it’s true) is childish and not the way to argue with your SO. Don’t forget, you love them and they love you. Refrain from calling them names or purposely saying things that are hurtful. The problem with words is you can never take them back. Even if you and your partner get past your argument, they’ll never forget what you said to them.
  10. You walk away. Sometimes when you’re upset with someone, you feel like the best thing to do is walk away before you say something you’ll regret. While this might seem like the smart thing to do, it can offend the other person. How would you feel if someone just walked away from you without saying anything? If you need a minute, tell your partner that.
  11. You use vulgar language. Regardless of how comfortable you both are with one another, there’s no reason to use explicit language when you’re fighting with your partner. I don’t care if they’re acting like a stupid wench, you don’t have to call them that. Showing respect is key in an argument and dropping F-bombs isn’t respectful. Period.
  12. You give each other too much space. Space is incredibly overrated, especially during an argument. Instead of standing on opposite sides of the room, stand next to each other. Maybe even hold hands while you’re talking so you can both feel the love!
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.