Do They Love You Or Is It Lust? How To Tell

We have different types of romantic relationships in life. The most confusing of all is the kind where you have amazing chemistry with someone, you definitely see a future with them, but you don’t know whether or not they love you (or might in the future). If there’s something there that’s more meaningful than lust, there’ll be some tell-tale signs.

  1. They want to take you out on dates. They don’t drunk dial you at 2 a.m. after a night of heavy drinking and debauchery with their friends and ask you to come over for a booty call. No, if someone really respects you and sees you as girlfriend material, they won’t do that at all. Instead, they’ll ask to take you out on proper dates—and not just to KFC either. I’m talking about fancy dinners and fun activities that they know you’ll like and enjoy.
  2. They talk to you when they’re not seeing you. When you’re not going on dates, they’re hitting up your phone a lot. Whether this is through texts, calls, or a series of Snapchat messages, they’re obviously keen to speak to you when you’re not together. This shows that they’re thinking of you. That said, if they’re reaching out just to sext or show you a nude Snap of themselves, then this is more of a sign that they just want you for one thing.
  3. They open up to you. If someone has major feelings for you, then they’ll open up to you a lot. Your conversations won’t just be about what they’re going to make for dinner that night or which member of One Direction they prefer (if any). No, instead, they’ll tell you deep and meaningful things that you can tell that they wouldn’t just tell anyone.
  4. They talk about their past. Speaking of deep and meaningful convos, someone who secretly loves you will talk to you about their past relationship history. If they see your courtship going somewhere, then they’ll drop little bits of information—like how long it’s been since they were last in a relationship or why their last relationship ended—or they’ll full-on launch into the whole sordid stories.
  5. They’re not always all over you like a rash. If your relationship is based entirely on lust, then they might treat you like a bit of a sex object—i.e. being overly affectionate with you when they see you just so he can get into your pants. They’ll always want sex when you see each other too, without fail, and perhaps not much else.
  6. They don’t just leave after sex. Speaking of sex, when you guys finish after a hot and heavy session, if they truly care for you then they won’t just leave because they’ve “got an early start tomorrow” or they “have to get back to feed their cat.” They’ll stay the night—and they might even throw in a cuddle or a casual spoon.
  7. They’re happy for you to meet their tribe. Another way you can tell if they love you rather than just lust over you is how they when there’s an opportunity for you to bump into their friends, family, and general loved ones. Do they shy away from these opportunities and make excuses, or are they super laid-back about it and welcome these opportunities? I don’t know, maybe you’ve even met their tribe already. If so, congrats, girl—things are definitely looking up.
  8. They talk about the futureIf they see you as meaningful relationship potential, then they’ll talk about the future with you. It could be little things like mentioning their cousin’s wedding to you and asking you to be their potential date when the wedding isn’t for another three months. Or it could be more full-on, like how many kids did you want? What about a dog? Would you live in Thailand with them for a year as a digital nomad? Either way, if they’re feeling you, they’ll make it obvious that they want you in their future. Fact.
  9. They make you feel special. In addition to the above, you can kind of tell how much you mean to someone by the way they act when they’re with you. It’s often the little things that confirm their love for you. For instance, are they chivalrous? Do they open doors for you? Do they tell you how beautiful you are? Or do they just tell you how hot you look today and how much they want to have sex with you? IMO, it’s easy to spot the differences if you use your head and not your heart.
  10. They’re happy to reassure you. Finally, the surefire sign when it comes to being able to tell if someone in love or lust with you is to go ahead and ask them. If they’re happy to tell you what you want to hear, then great. If they’re being shady, then run away. Screaming. You obviously want something more or you wouldn’t be reading this article—and, in this case, they’re clearly not the person for you. You deserve someone who chooses you every day.
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at