If You Can’t Do These Things With Your Partner, You’re Not In A Healthy Relationship

What defines a healthy relationship? We know that it’s about having respect and love for each other, but there are other things that matter too. Here are 10 things that you and your partner should be able to share if you’ve got real love going for you.

  1. Snort-laugh You know when you laugh so uncontrollably that you end up snorting? Guilty as charged. It can be embarrassing, but when it happens around your partner, it’s a sign that you’re really enjoying each other’s company, and there’s nothing better. You don’t have to be cool all the time. If you can’t laugh and have fun together, you’ve got nothing.
  2. Say what’s on your mind, on the fly Anyone can practice what they have to say to their partner when confronting them, but when your connection with your partner is genuine, you’ll be able to say what’s on your mind right now in the moment without having to censor yourself. This speaks to being comfortable enough to share who you really are and what you feel, without fear of judgment.
  3. Talk about the serious stuff Laughing is great, but sometimes you have to stop fooling around and talk about the serious things. If your partner can’t do this and they avoid the tough subjects whenever you try to bring them up, then that’s not cool. You should be able to go to the difficult and awkward places without your partner making things even more awkward.
  4. Respect each other Respect is shown in small but important ways. You want your partner to show you that he/she respects your feelings, thoughts, opinions, choices, and self-expression. Respect is tied to real love because a partner who feels both for you won’t try to bring you down into something you’re not or try to make you feel bad about yourself. They won’t mock or insult you and then call it a joke.
  5. Say “no” You should be able to say no to that party invite or no to helping your partner with something when your day is super-busy. And, you shouldn’t feel like you’re going to have a big fight or he’s going to ignore you because of this. He should respect your boundaries and you should obviously do the same. Just because someone’s got you in their lives, it doesn’t mean that they should expect you to be a “yes” person or be available to them night and day. They have to respect that you’ve got other things going on.
  6. Feel good when they go out When your partner goes out with their friends,  you don’t worry that they’re going to cheat on you. You also don’t feel the need to be with them all the time because you know space is important. It’s healthy for your relationship for you guys to do your own thing sometimes.
  7. Feel good more than you fight If you and your partner are always fighting, that’s a bad sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship. While fighting can be good, it’s all about how you do it. If your fights are filled with disrespect and loads of anger, and they happen frequently, then something’s wrong and the fights are just a symptom of a bigger issue.
  8. Feel like your dreams are supported When you have a partner who supports you and your dreams instead of raining on your parade when you’re excited about achieving something or crossing something off your bucket list, then you’ve got the right person beside you.
  9. Be kind to each other This is such a simple thing but it’s so important! If you can’t be kind to your partner, then you’re not showing them the care that they need. You aren’t considering their feelings. Little acts of kindness are boss to make you feel that you’re in a loving, happy relationship.
  10. Choose them in a crisis When something horrible happens, your partner is the first person you call. You’d rather be with them than with anyone else. The same goes for them. But it’s not just that you reach out to each other when you need help. You’d rather talk to and confide in each other than do so with others. You’re number one in each other’s lives and that’s what makes your relationship strong.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.