If you’ve been burned by relationships before, it makes sense to start questioning whether this guy is worthy of your time early on. In order to figure out if your relationship will go the mile and have a real future, here are the questions you should be asking.
- Is he supportive of your career? You want to make sure your guy doesn’t have outdated gender roles. Not only do you need to know if he supports what you do but you want to make sure he’ll support where your career takes you. If you have to fly to the opposite coast once a month for work, will he resent you for that? Would he ever relocate with you due to your job? This is important to know sooner rather than later, especially if you absolutely love your job.
- What kind of relationship does he have with his family? Every family is different, but seeing how he treats his relatives is a good way to predict what he’ll be like if the two of you get married and start your own family. Is he cold and distant towards them? Then he might be afraid of commitment. Is he a little too involved with them? Well, you may be dealing with a total mama’s boy.
- What are his goals? It’s good to know now whether or not he’s the type of guy who’s too proud to work beyond a certain level. Meaning, if he lost his job, would he be willing to pick up a not-as-prestigious position to earn more money? Would he be willing to work weekends if it meant more financial stability down the road? What’s his life plan? Does it make you feel nervous or secure? If you two get married, you’ll want to make sure that you’re on the same page about what comes next, in terms of career, education, and brief financial hardship.
- Does he want kids? Kids are a true dealbreaker—if you want them and he doesn’t, it’s not like you can have half of a kid. You should never be in a relationship where a true desire gets shelved away, otherwise, you’ll end up resenting this guy for the rest of your life. This is a scary question and some guys might not know how they feel just yet, but it’s still important to ask. If you have opposing views, it’s best to end things ASAP.
- How does he handle anger? The last thing you want is to be forever-linked with a guy who thinks screaming and punching walls is an OK way to deal with frustration. Your boyfriend should never put you in a position where he scares you. People do change, but it often takes a lot of therapy and trust to get to that level. He’ll need to want to work on himself for a relationship like this to actually succeed.
- How is your sex life? When you start having sex, it’ll never be 100% perfect. Sometimes one of you is too stressed to have the motivation, or one of you is feeling a little self-conscious about baring all. It happens to everyone. But if things are continuously bad or you aren’t enjoying sex, it means you’re not compatible. If good sex is a deal breaker for you (and it is for many people) you need to face the facts that this relationship doesn’t have a future.
- How many similar interests do you have? You don’t need to be clones of each other, but the best relationships are built on more than just mutual attraction. The two of you need to be into at least one or two of the same things. Even if interests change over time, it’s great to know that you can explore new hobbies together instead of apart.
- Do you like him as a person? It almost sounds like a laughable question, but sometimes if we’re mostly just physically attracted to someone, we have blinders on that shield us from realizing they’re not the greatest person. Does he treat people right or does he feel like everyone is more or less beneath him? Physical attraction fades but cruelty and resentment towards other people can cause lasting damage.
- Do you trust him? Potential husbands are guys who you’ll never have to second guess. Games were never part of your relationship, and never will be. That’s because both of you know that without honesty and trust, you really don’t have anything.