There are always so many memories and emotions attached to your former partner even after you go your separate ways. If you just got out of a long-term relationship and are experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions about whether or not it was the right decision to end things, here are ways you can decipher if you do want him back or if it’s just nostalgia hitting you in all the feels.
You can’t stop thinking about the good times.
Whether the relationship needed to end or not, you’re going to be flooded with memories of the happiness he brought you and all of the laughter and love you shared. However, just because you’re nostalgic for the positive memories doesn’t always mean that the breakup was a mistake. The key to determining that is through your location and present moment. When are you thinking about these good times and where are you when it happens? If you only think about him when you see other people in love or you’re all alone late at night, it might just be your loneliness playing games with your head. If these memories seem to hit you out of nowhere, even when you’re completely focused on other things, it could be true feelings of missing him.
You miss the possibility of who he could have been and not who he actually was.
Many times, relationships end because your partner couldn’t become who you needed and it caused you to eventually separate. If, after a breakup, you find yourself overwhelmed with fantasies about who he could’ve been if he had changed or you’re preoccupied with all that lost potential, you’re probably just nostalgic and hungry for true love.
You’re filtering your memories of him.
Don’t forget that there are actual reasons why this relationship didn’t make it. Your ex probably had qualities that weren’t too favorable or lived in a way that just didn’t work for you personally or your relationship. If all you can manage to think about is the good things about him while ignoring the bad or denying it altogether, you’re simply clinging to the good things and not seeing the relationship for what it truly was. This is another way you’re creating a perfect relationship inside your mind, and it’s a sign that you don’t really miss this person.
You feel ready to start dating again.
If pretty quickly after the relationship is over, you feel ready to get back in the saddle again and try to meet someone new, there’s a good chance that you don’t really miss your ex, you just miss the idea of him or having a partner. If you weren’t over him, it would likely take some time before you were ready to start actually searching and pursuing a meaningful relationship again.
You don’t really care about who he dates next.
Jealousy is unfortunately something that you’ll likely feel even if you were ready to leave the relationship. However, it’s important to determine what kind of jealousy you feel. If you see your ex dating someone else and you feel truly jealous and heartbroken that they’ve moved on, you might not be over them yet. However, if you feel simply just angry that he’s happy with someone else or jealous that he seems to be treating her better than he treated you, it might just be leftover anger and resentment, not necessarily that you miss them.
You didn’t get closure.
Many times, relationships end abruptly and they seemingly blindside us, especially if we’re the ones that get dumped. If you feel like you didn’t get the closure you needed or deserved with your ex, it could cause you to constantly think about him or replay every detail about your relationship over and over in your head. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you miss him or the relationship, there’s just a part of you that can’t let go of it because you feel like you weren’t given the opportunity to close that chapter properly.
You have to convince yourself that you’re sad.
It can be one of the most confusing and odd feelings when a relationship ends and you don’t feel genuinely sad about it. You might cry, you might feel a sense of embarrassment or anger that it’s over, but if deep down you know that you’re not actually heartbroken, you definitely don’t miss your ex, you just miss the idea of being in a happy, healthy relationship.
You feel like there’s less holding you back now.
If you feel nostalgic for your relationship but you also feel a sense of newfound freedom, almost as if there’s less holding you back from going after what you want in life, you definitely don’t truly miss your ex and were ready to move on with your life. Singleness after an unhealthy relationship gives a person a feeling of inner peace and excitement that they may not have felt in a long time. Use that time in your life to truly find yourself, be selfish and focus on yourself, and soon, you’ll feel ready and better equipped to move forward and find someone who is a better match for you.
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