At this point in your life, you’re probably over casual dating. You’re looking for someone who wants a real relationship and possibly to build a life together if all goes well. That’s why it’s so important to recognize the signs the guy you’re seeing has commitment issues right away so that you can avoid wasting time on someone who’s simply not ready for you. If these things are happening, it’s not good news.
- He’s hesitant about making future plans. You mention maybe going on vacation next summer once COVID calms down or even going to see your old college friends a few hours away in a couple of months for the weekend and he’s vague as hell. He won’t say yes to the plans and just wants to “play it by ear” because “it all depends” on what’s going on then. What would be going on then to keep him from making plans? Oh, that’s right – it’s his commitment issues.
- He’s flaky and inconsistent when you have plans. You decide to go check out the new Thai place in town on Saturday night and he seems into it on Wednesday when you mention it but by Friday, he’s not sure if he’s in the mood for Thai this weekend and doesn’t really feel like going out to eat. He says he’ll meet you after work one night go to to happy hour with your colleagues and their partners but then “something comes up” about an hour beforehand. He flakes out way too often.
- You don’t feel like you can rely on him. A guy with commitment issues isn’t one you’ll ever be able to rely on to be there for you when you need him. If you feel like you’re not 100% sure he’d be there for you during a tough time and that you couldn’t count on him to show up when he says he does, follow through with the things he promises, and generally to have your back, you’re in trouble. This is one of the biggest signs that he has commitment issues, for sure, but also a massive sign that he’s a jer.k
- He picks fights when you start to get too close. Things are going well and your relationship is going from strength to strength… until it starts getting too serious. When things start feeling a little too close, he backs off. He goes from being warm and loving and affectionate to really awkward and standoffish. Of all the signs that a guy has commitment issues, this is probably one of the most obvious and one of the most obnoxious.
- He spends more time with his friends than with you. In the earlier stages of a relationship, it only makes sense that you’d want to spend as much time as possible with your new partner, getting to know them and just being all loved up. However, if he’s more interested in hanging out with his friends than he is with you, that’s likely because he’s trying to avoid getting too close and too serious.
- He’s always questioning the relationship. Despite there being nothing wrong, he’s always doubting things in the relationship and seeming uncertain about you and where things are headed. He likes you and says you’re everything he’s ever wanted, so what’s his deal? That’s just his commitment issues rearing their ugly head, and you deserve better.