Does He Love The Real You Or Just The Idea of You?

Does He Love The Real You Or Just The Idea of You? ©iStock/wundervisuals

Dating a guy who loves you for you truly are, flaws and all, is one of the greatest and rarest gifts. Unfortunately, sometimes you realize too late that he’s actually only into the idea of you and who he wants you to be — and when that’s the case, there’s no chance for a real relationship. Here’s how to tell if that’s the case:

  1. He cares most about your looks. Physical attraction is certainly a catalyst for a potential romance, but it can also be completely shallow and impossible to move past if that’s all there is. If he excessively goes on about how hot you are both to you and his friends instead of bragging about your other amazing non-physical qualities, it’s possible he just likes being with someone who “looks good.”
  2. He knew you liked him first. Guys are always be interested in the idea of girls being into them. Even if he isn’t that into you, he’s probably willing to give it a shot anyway because he’s a guy. If he’s persuaded way too easily but doesn’t seem to return your feelings in any real way, he may just like the attention.
  3. He isn’t over his ex. If he constantly talks about his ex or is even still close friends with her, it’s very possible he doesn’t take your relationship seriously. It’s OK to talk about an ex occasionally to share experiences and open up, but if it’s a common topic of discussion, he definitely isn’t considering how it makes you feel. If he’s still obsessed with her, he may just consider you a rebound.
  4. He’s been lonely for a long time. Maybe he hasn’t had the best luck with relationships, if any luck at all. Liking a woman who likes him back can give him a huge ego boost, and any chance to have his ego stroked will always keep him coming back for more. If he likes the feeling of just being with someone else for a change, he may not really care who it is.
  5. He likes your lifestyle. Does he blatantly say how cool you are, or seem preoccupied with who you know and what you do? This could indicate that he likes that you’re lively and exciting, but only because of the things going on in your life. If he’s overly invested in riding your coattails or taking advantage of any connects you have, there’s an issue.
  6. He’s always wanted a stable relationship. Being desperate for a stable relationship can be a warning sign of someone who just likes the idea of you. If he immediately noticed how confident and emotionally/mentally stable you are, he may get high off that and feel as if he doesn’t have to worry anymore about rocky romances. If he gets comfortable way too quickly, he might just be relieved to catch a break for once.
  7. He likes doing things that happy couples do. Being a sucker for “relationship goals” can indicate that he’s more into the idea of them than actually putting in the work to have a happy relationship. If he always wants to be on the go and show off to everyone about how great you are together, he’s probably just caught up in the hype.
  8. He thinks he’ll never be able to find someone else. Saying things like, “I’ll never find someone else like you,” believe it or not, is a huge sign that he just like’s the idea of you. Because when you truly love someone, you know that there are always others out there, but you choose to be with that one person. If he’s afraid of not finding someone else, it’s only because he’s afraid of being alone.
  9. He loves the feeling of love. Loving the person and loving the feeling are two different things. A guy who can’t get enough of your kisses, hugs and affection can sometimes just be indulging in his need to be loved by someone. It happens to so many couples. Don’t let it happen you you.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia